Most of this I had written previously as part of another story. No clue where to place it so I'm dumping it here.
Humbly submitted; my attempt to lampoon Daniel's hectic work scheduled.
[spoil]
Prelude to a thriller
‘So, 007, lots to be done. Are you ready to get back to work?’
‘With pleasure, M, with pleasure.’
The dignified man behind the desk wearing a dark Savile Row (tm) suit sporting a matching sling cradling his left arm sat down unceremoniously, using his good arm he opened the top secret drawer secreted in his desk carefully shifting through the contents trying to find the
Strangway file.
‘Err. Sir?’
M halted his search looking up at the dower 007.
‘Is there a problem 007?’
‘Well sir. Seeing as I was reinstated with all back salary and benefits restored. I’d very much like to take all of my accrued leave now.’
“What?” The question popped loudly inside M’s balding head.
‘Sorry 007, I don’t believe I find your attempts at humour as amusing as you do.’
‘Oh no sir. There is nothing funny about unused leave.’
M studied 007’s constipated face searching in vain for any sign of humour. “d**n it!” he thought this daft ape is serious.
‘Correct me if I’m wrong.’ M spoke calm and rationally. ‘I seem to recall you telling everyone you were ready to get back to work?’
‘Indeed sir. With pleasure.’
‘Then what is all this rubbish about taking a vacation?’
‘It’s not rubbish sir, it is my right as an employee of Her Majesties’ Secret Service.’
‘How the hell is it you have any leave left? Didn’t you fake your own death to hang out in a seedy bar that only served Heineken. Having sex with wanton abandon with whatever low hanging bar fruit you could find!?'
‘They’re called “Skanks” sir. Slightly below low hanging fruit, a tad above forced sex worker.’ Bond paused before continuing. ‘Just barely.’
‘You abandoned your post to go on tour of Europe’s low rent brothels, yet you expect me to approve this?’ M’s voice managed to conceal his growing contempt.
‘No. Not if I have anything to say about it. Consider your request denied.’
007 showed no emotion only looking at M with his dull lifeless eyes. M had expected some sort of reaction.
Thinking the matter closed M continued.
‘Now that matter is out of the way I have a case that should be just your speed.’
007’s dull eyes blinked.
‘Oh. Sorry sir. It rather isn’t up to you.’
‘What!?’ this time the words escaped M’s mouth.
A blinking yellow light on M’s caught his attention. Mashing the button down he spoke harshly.
'What?'
In the back of his mind M cursed himself for using such a low rent word so quickly in succession. His mind couldn’t grasp how that damned Bond managed to drag him, a well-educated, cultured man, down to his (Bond’s) level.
Moneypenny’s husky yet feminine voice spilled like honey over the speaker.
‘Sorry to interrupt. It is an urgent call.’
‘Take a bloody message! I’m in meeting!’ M’s voice rattled the room.
‘Sir. It’s about Bond.’ Moneypenny whispered.
‘Bond? What about him?’
‘I wouldn’t know sir. However it’s Human Resources, they would like to speak with you about him.’
‘Do they? I’ll take the call. Maybe they can clear this mess up.’
‘Very well sir. Line one.’
M turned his glare on Bond.
‘Don’t happen to know anything about this do you?’
Bond's hollow voice responded he did.
‘Yes sir. I had a call in this morning to them.’
M sneered as he pick up the phone punching line one with a vengeance.
‘We will bloody see about this!’ he snapped at Bond.
‘M here’ he spoke into the phone regaining much of his lost composure.
‘Ah, HR, how are you. Good. Good. What brings you to call me? 007? Yes. Yes. I am aware of that. Well, no I was not informed of this. Not at all. I don’t see how that is applicable.’
He swivelled the chair away from Bond until the back of the chair presented itself.
‘He bloody faked his death.’ M’s voice hissed quietly ‘He is damned lucky not to be facing charges. Well, no, he is not facing charges. But.. Yes. I reinstated him.. No. That never came up. Well then I will just fire him.. What do you mean I can’t!’
In stunned disbelief Gareth Mallory swivelled back around to face Bond once more. He had just learned a disturbing piece of information, in fact it was what ultimately caused his predecessor (Olivia Mansfield) to go stark raving mad. As his mind raced absorbing the new facts he felt he now knew why the previous M had Bond shot off a moving train in a country with no workers rights.
The fact that shook the new M so profoundly was as a government employee Bond simply could not be fired.
M continues his conversation as he looks upon Bond in utter disbelief.
‘So tell me how much leave as he accrued?’
A pregnant pause fills the room.
‘thirty-six months!!!’ M’s bellow was heard through the sound proof door.
The matter was settled, so Bond gave M a nod indicating his respect, then walked out the room in his short mincing strides without a another word.[/spoil]