Quantum of Solace: Bond's Most Preposterous Moments

[Blowfeld]

DVDs Unwrapped , Lights, Camera... Action Jackson!
Quantum of Solace: Bond's Most Preposterous Moments
by Zach Oat March 24, 2009 4:19 PM

The 22nd James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, came out on DVD today, and while many thought it was more Bourne than Bond, you have to admit that the movie had a heaping helping of Bond-level ridiculousness. We watched the DVD and came up with our list of the most preposterous moments in the film, time-stamped for your viewing convenience. Let the Bond-age commence!

4:07 - Bond opens the trunk of his Aston Martin after an extended car chase, during which he is repeatedly rammed and shot at, to reveal his still-conscious prisoner inside. There is absolutely no way that guy would even be alive. Unless that trunk was full of pillows, the head trauma alone would have turned the man's brain into jelly, rendering any interrogation techniques fruitless.

22:40 - M seems surprised that Bond killed someone he was supposed to get information out of. Haaaaaave you met James? Later on in the film, she is indignant that he has bedded a female operative. Maybe she should keep a copy of his profile on her Blackberry.

35:55 - This CIA guy Felix Leiter is working with has a ginormous mustache. Seriously, it's huge! Is this how the world sees America? Or just the CIA?

46:40 - Bond shoots a lot of guys while trying to escape the big opera/Quantum conference call. So it's weird that the one guy that gets him in trouble is the guy he drops/lets fall off the roof, who actually survives... then is shot by Greene's driver. Can I get a witness? Seriously, like an eyewitness who saw the whole thing and can clear my boy? I mean, yes, Bond's a menace, but it's usually self-defense, and all the false accusations in this movie piss me the hell off, especially since they turn him into a rogue agent for, like, the umpteenth time.

51:17 - On the plane to Bolivia, Bond has to ask the bartender what he's drinking. A.) How did he order it? Did he just say, "Make me an elaborate beverage that has gin in it?" B.) Isn't he a secret agent with enemies everywhere? Shouldn't he be watching the bartender make his drink, keeping track of everything that goes into it? His martini could be poisoned, not stirred, and he wouldn't know until it was too late.

52:38 - "Hello, I work for the British consulate in Bolivia. I'm a leggy redhead supermodel-type, and I travel alone, wearing a tan trenchcoat, leather boots and seemingly nothing else. I've been sent to make notorious womanizer James Bond follow orders. Please do what I say, or, better yet, ignore me until you get to your hotel room, at which point have sex with me." Seriously, did the ambassador to Bolivia owe James Bond a favor or something?

56:45 - Bond asks the leggy redhead, Miss Fields, what her name is, and all she says is "Fields." That's right, the writers specifically give her an opening to say that her first name is "Strawberry," and then don't have her say it. In fact, nobody ever says it in the few scenes before she dies. Why the hell would the writers do that? Are they ashamed that they wrote it? This is a James Bond film! "Strawberry Fields" is a perfectly acceptable name.

1:05:00 - Bond and Camille are on their way to scope out the enemy's secret lair, and they just happen to drive by an airstrip that has a couple of planes. Bond then trades his car for the big cargo plane, and not the smaller, more maneuverable Cessna right next to it. Was it not available? Out of order? Or did you really want that lumbering antique? If you really want the Cessna, Bond, just knock the guy out and take it. You're a spy who doesn't care about the rules!

1:09:20 - Never mind -- Bond just outmaneuvered a small, single-seat fighter jet using his massive, smoking cargo plane. Why isn't he in the R.A.F.?

1:10:55 - Falling out of the plane with a parachute-wearing Camille, Bond needs to get to her, hang on and pull the cord. H doesn't get there before hitting ground level, but luckily they were above one of the area's many sinkholes, giving them another few hundred feet to pull the cord. They finally pull it 20 feet above the bottom. I'm pretty sure they would be a fine mist if that happened.

1:18:40 - Bond finds M in his hotel room and the body of Miss Fields on the bed; she's been covered with oil, and M says her lungs are also full of it. Now, the body has clearly not been touched, so how the hell would M know what's in her lungs? Does she have X-ray vision?

1:21:05 - Why is Felix Leiter talking like Batman?

1:29:55 - We learned that the desert hotel where the climax occurs is powered by "fuel cells," but what kind is never really made clear. Apparently, they're the kind you keep at the bottom of the ramp to the underground parking garage, so if a car goes down that ramp out of control, it can smash through the flimsy brick wall and cause those fuel cells to blow up, unleashing a chain reaction that will destroy the entire hotel. ...I don't know if those kind of fuel cells are going to catch on.

1:41:46 - "Quantum of Solace"? That's what this movie was called? I don't believe it.

Pick up the DVD here, then let us know what moments you found to be the most ridonkulous.

this story can be found at www.televisionwithoutpity.com

[FormerBondFan]

Perhaps DC should do a remake of Action Jackson.

[Gary Seven]

Perhaps DC should do a remake of Action Jackson.

Daniel Craig was hired - we were told way back in 2005 - because he was a great actor who could bring greater humanity and depth to the role of James Bond. Now he is regarded as a poor man's Jean Claude Van Damme.

[Kristatos]

Where are all the pro-Craigers yelling "Double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!" like they usually do whenever anyone points out the silly bits in Craig's Bond films?

[carl stromberg]

Where are all the pro-Craigers yelling "Double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!" like they usually do whenever anyone points out the silly bits in Craig's Bond films?

I don't see what's wrong with that stock pro-Craig argument. I suppose, Mr Kristatos, as you don't like Craig's gritty new Bond you'd rather see an invisible jet-pack wearing John Cleese and a cgi Pierce Brosnan doing a double take?

[katied]

Where are all the pro-Craigers yelling "Double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!" like they usually do whenever anyone points out the silly bits in Craig's Bond films?

Even they realize that the stuff in QOS is so ridiculous it's not worth defending?

[Omega]

Perhaps DC should do a remake of Action Jackson.

Daniel Craig was hired - we were told way back in 2005 - because he was a great actor who could bring greater humanity and depth to the role of James Bond. Now he is regarded as a poor man's Jean Claude Van Damme.

That bad? Well maybe.

How can such a great actor fail to act like James Bond? My main problem with CR is it was boring compared to movies from 1987 up and QOS was total crap no need to say anything further about it. The old Bonds have grown on me I picked up a CR riff tracks online and have it on my ipod looking at him in CR I do see how any one took him seriously. Saying this is how Bond begins, how? it doesn't feel like this is Bond's beginning. I can not be convinced I am watching they same guy I like from Living daylights becoming the professional spy we all know and love. CR doesn't belong to the Dalton and Brosnan cool spy school of films.

[katied]

To paraphrase T.S. Eliot:

"This is the way Bond begins.

This is the way Bond begins

Not with a bang, but with a whimper."

[The Sweeney]

Where are all the pro-Craigers yelling "Double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!" like they usually do whenever anyone points out the silly bits in Craig's Bond films?

But what about the double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!


(Sorry for the late response....)

[Mazer Rackham]

Where are all the pro-Craigers yelling "Double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!" like they usually do whenever anyone points out the silly bits in Craig's Bond films?

But what about the double-taking pigeons! Invisible cars!


(Sorry for the late response....)

Watch it Willy! They'll throw you in the clink for that kind of smart mouth. Miss my ol' buddy Benny already I thought he was on his best behavior the last few weeks. Think I'll step over to the next thread call Stromberg and Blowfeld Pikeys then see if they ban me too.

[Alessandra]

I have been a regular at TWoP (televisionwithoutpity) for many years. The forums used to be absolutely brilliant, unfortunately ever since Bravo took over the site 5 or so years ago, they put IDIOTS in charge of moderating and all of the most brilliant, longtime posters left, leaving room to idiotic teens and even the idiotic adults who were already there. DESPITE the ruin of the forums, some of the originals who wrote reviews and show recaps have stayed. (the show recaps of TWoP used to be THE BEST. Especially the Alias ones, penned by the ever brilliant Erin). This brilliant QoS sarcastic critique of the most ridiculous moments in the movie (and a few are missing because obviously they can't write about those who prove there's no James Bond in the movie.. like I don't know, dumping Mathis's body in the trash?) was clearly penned by one of the original writers at TWoP.

I had quite some fun reading it... and of course there's nothing to be countered there, what they listed is so incredibly ridiculous that there's no "but" to it. Even the pro-Craigers know how bad QoS was deep down. The ridiculously poor DVD sales are ample proof of it. If Craig has so many fans and the movie was so great, how come the DVD sales sucked? That's because things can only be concealed for so long. People went to see CR because it was the NEW BOND MOVIE, not because of Craig. Winnie the Pooh as protagonist would have produced the same (or better, LOL) result. They went to see QoS under FALSE PREMISES: QoS was supposed to show us the Bond we know and love, and instead there was no trace of it in the movie. It had, in fact, poor results in the US, and made up for it with good results worldwide. Too bad that the whole "duping people into going to see a movie where they will ACTUALLY see the James Bond they know and love" only works for so long. When the time to sell the DVD came, the effect was all gone. So here we are. Left with the most ridiculous moments in the QoS movie. As we can all see, the list is quite long. And that's not even the complete one.

[Thunderpussy]

With QOS it's as if the went out of their way to P*** Off the traditional Fans,and Me in particular,But I do have something to thank D Craig for. Because up till now When watching the Movies I always thought Hell I wish I looked like ( Connery,lazenby Moore etc) But Watching Craig I'm Thinking Boy am I glad I look like me ! Even I would look Better in a tux.

[Captain Nash]

QOS was a big, big let down after the well crafted, and excellent film that CR gave us.
What they should've done is added a few gadgets, introduced Q and Moneypenny, and not given the job to a director who wanted to make an artsy fartsy film.
This is James Bond. I would've thought the dodgy edits from DAD would make EON think twice about the shaky cam, cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut editing style of Forster.

[Alessandra]

QOS was a big, big let down after the well crafted, and excellent film that CR gave us.
What they should've done is added a few gadgets, introduced Q and Moneypenny, and not given the job to a director who wanted to make an artsy fartsy film.
This is James Bond. I would've thought the dodgy edits from DAD would make EON think twice about the shaky cam, cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut editing style of Forster.

I didn't like CR at all either, but compared to QoS it's Oscar material. DAD second half was really bad. BAD. Clearly taught them nothing. And yeah, normal people would think EON learns from mistakes, but no, they do not. I actually even felt sorry for Craig a little with QoS. That's how bad I thought it was. After all the poor fella is just miscast in a role that he can't play appropriately, but he's not at fault for having a really bad movie script and bad direction/out of his mind second unit director to deal with (or at least he isn't as far as I know).

With QOS it's as if the went out of their way to P*** Off the traditional Fans,and Me in particular,But I do have something to thank D Craig for. Because up till now When watching the Movies I always thought Hell I wish I looked like ( Connery,lazenby Moore etc) But Watching Craig I'm Thinking Boy am I glad I look like me ! Even I would look Better in a tux.

LOL!

I thought about that angle many times. I think Craig must have gained a few fans in the "Hey even I CAN BE BOND!" ranks given how he looks. Those people who probably hated Bond because of undying jealousy before, surely felt much better when Craig was cast, and can identify with him. "If he's Bond, I can be too". Yeah, NOT.

[Captain Nash]

But I could play Bond Ale.
Just don't use my face.

[FormerBondFan]

I didn't like CR at all either, but compared to QoS it's Oscar material.

CR and Oscar material do not belong in the same sentence.

[Alessandra]

I didn't like CR at all either, but compared to QoS it's Oscar material.

CR and Oscar material do not belong in the same sentence.

That is absolutely right. I said compared to QoS. Even Winnie the Pooh strolls around with Tigger is Oscar material compared. I didn't like CR at all, I'm one of the few who never liked it from the start. So either I'm a heretic or I just had better sight and wasn't fooled?

[Thunderpussy]

I have to admit I feel duped by the producers as I was willing to Give D Craig a chance as I thought they Knew Best,(after all this is their business ) and Thought CR was ok as a way of Re-Introducing Bond ( I could't see a reason for this,But as I said I thought they knew what they where Doing ).Then with QOS we'd be back to the Old formula A great PTS with a big stunt to get the audiance ready for a huge action adventure, A belting Song and Then around two Hours entertainment Beautifully filmed with great sets and a script with some well scrippted One-Liners. Still there always Bond 23 MY Hopes Arn't High.

[Captain Nash]

I have to admit I feel duped by the producers as I was willing to Give D Craig a chance as I thought they Knew Best,(after all this is their business ) and Thought CR was ok as a way of Re-Introducing Bond ( I could't see a reason for this,But as I said I thought they knew what they where Doing ).Then with QOS we'd be back to the Old formula A great PTS with a big stunt to get the audiance ready for a huge action adventure, A belting Song and Then around two Hours entertainment Beautifully filmed with great sets and a script with some well scrippted One-Liners. Still there always Bond 23 MY Hopes Arn't High.

I agree T.Pussy.
This IS how QOS should've been for alot of fans. Instead we got Forster and his artsy fartsy style of ruining a Bond film.
With slow mo opera, and editing that makes you feel sick.
Bring Bond Back in 23.

[carl stromberg]

Many people seemed to love Casino Royale so it was obvious that Eon were going to ram that awful new formula down our throats for the next ten films: it must have been a shock when critics called or the old formula to return after QOS. Bring back the handsome bond and the double taking invisible pigeons