What Will Craig Do Next?

[Blowfeld]

From Empire.

McDonald's

Well, they're always hiring. Bond might not seem like a perfect fit for the world's number one fast food chain - you can imagine him cocking a Moore-esque eyebrow at those wonderful uniforms, for example - but with his derring-do attitude, he'd soon rise up the food chain, quickly owning his own franchise outside Ipswich. And with his legendary 'shaken not stirred' technique, he'd revolutionise Maccy D's shakes forever.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's maxing her meal, sir!"

Volcanologist

As Ernst Stavro Blofeld has often found out to his cost, 007 has plenty of experience of infiltrating volcanoes. So it makes sense for Bond to down his Walther, put on tons of North Face gear and head off to Iceland for some no-holds-barred study. We reckon he'd have Eyjafjallajoekull plugged up within days. And if he hits if off with a pretty research assistant while he's at it, all the better.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's showing her an eruption up close, sir..."

Driving Instructor

While his licence has been suspended, Bond could join the Red driving school and help hapless students get theirs instead. While he may teach things that aren't in the Highway Code - try as we might, we couldn't find anything about the legality of firing off shoulder-mounted rockets in a one-way street - Bond would soon have cars whizzing down Upper Street on their side wheels in no time.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's showing her to use the gear stick, sir..."

Hosting The One Show

After Adrian Chiles' shock departure to ITV, The One Show needs a host. And who better than Universal Exports' finest, erm, export? Bond would be right home at the BBC -like his exploits with MI6, it's publicly-funded - and he could lend his expertise on a whole host of subjects, from playing golf to playing cards to playing cards and golf. And the sexual tension with the gorgeous Christine Bleakley would make for essential viewing - although they might have to move it to after the watershed.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's [CENSORED BEFORE 7pm], sir..."

Be Jason Bourne

As one globe-trotting, fast-running, gadget-using door closes, another one opens. Universal need a Bourne IV and, with Matt Damon ruling himself out at the moment, it seems only right that Bond should step into the breach. OK, so he might have to curb his right-wing imperialist fuckface (Copyright, Mr. Paul Greengrass) tendencies to play the liberal, do-gooder spy, and he won't be happy about swapping the glamorous confines of The One & Only Club for the decidedly more Bourne-like environs of a Butlin's near Skegness, but given that Daniel Craig's Bond has essentially been a Bourne tribute act thus far, it shouldn't be that much of a stretch.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing...?"
"He's fighting to reclaim his identity, restore his memory and fight for justice, sir!"
"What...?"
"Oh, er... he's giving her an ultimatum, sir!"

Sommelier

Somewhere along the way, possibly between the golf lessons and that ninja summer school in You Only Live Twice, 007 picked up the kind of encyclopaedic wine knowledge to make Oz Clarke look like a know-nothing philistine. So if all else fails he'd make the perfect sommelier. He's already got the tux, knows his way around a smart restaurant and can spot a '34 Mouton from a 2009 Blue Nun from a thousand paces. Whatever you do, though, don't order red with the fish.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's showing her to spit and swallow, sir!"

Gigolo

Now that Warren Beatty's best days of man-whore he-bitching are probably behind him, there's a gap in the market for a ruggedly handsome heartthrob with a line in flirty banter, perfect teeth and a clean pair of pants. Who better to fill it than James Bond, a man for whom every night is ladies night? Ok, so his days of serial seduction went out with the Cold War, but the sensitive new Bond still has plenty of game. One possible problem - considering most of the women who spend time with him end up either dead or floating about in an improbable ocean pod, this would probably only be a temporary role.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's showing her his pimp hand, sir!"

Ski Instructor

If your idea of relaxing apres-ski is a machine-gun exchange with a posse of colour-coordinated goons in an alpine forest, have we got the perfect slope buddy for you. James Bond's alpine instruction class begins with a gentle morning of high-speed lugeing with Kojak, followed by an afternoon of Nordic skiing under sniper fire, rounded off with being buried in an avalanche. Some snow-ploughing ability required. Items to pack: skis, ski poles, goggles, gloves, Walther PPK, Union Jack parachute.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's going downhill fast, sir!"

Salesman

More silver-tongued than an iguana with a mercury problem, James Bond could wile away those idle hours going door-to-door foisting prestige brands on the unsuspecting and elderly. Ten minutes sales pitch from Bond and you'd have enough white goods to open your own branch of Comet. Twenty minutes and you'd be the proud owner of an Omega Seamaster. Half an hour and you'd have two new BMWs, a case of Gordons, a gyrocopter and a second-hand Japanese disguise kit. Do not open your door to this man.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I don't know, sir, but this new Sony Vaio laptop-toaster really is marvellous!"
"You're an idiot."

Miss Manners

If the wine gig doesn't work out or the One Show goes the way of 6 Music, 007 could always fall back on his first love and teach the world all a thing or two about proper etiquette. Sure, we all know to say please and thank you when someone makes us a cuppa, but do we know what champagne to serve when Barbara Bach turns up wearing only a silky nightie and a coy smile, or the correct put-down to use when we've just electrocuted someone with a toaster? No, we don't. Bond does though. A few days instruction is all you'd need to pass as a regular at your nearest golf club/gentlemen's establishment/evil sub-sea dinner party.

What would M say?
"007! What's he doing?"
"I think he's popping his cork, sir!"

[katied]

Funny-I especially like Craig working at McDonald's!

[Dr. No]

Funny-I especially like Craig working at McDonald's!

Food Folks and fun!
He looks miserable in all the photo jobs. Reminds me of how depressing he is.

[oscartheman]

Be Jason Bourne.They didn't need to photoshop that one he is Jason Bourne.

[FormerBondFan]

What about Star Trek? He can do that.

[oscartheman]

What about Star Trek? He can do that.

Depends.Trek as what?He is suited for Trek, Bourne or whatever else just not Bond!

[FormerBondFan]

What about Star Trek? He can do that.

Depends.Trek as what?He is suited for Trek, Bourne or whatever else just not Bond!

He said that he's interested in appearing in either a Trek film or TV series.

[katied]

He said that he's interested in appearing in either a Trek film or TV series.

Well, what with the hiatus, I think it's a fair bet he'll be getting lots more scripts. Star Trek would be a nice change from the movies he usually does that(for the most part) don't get seen by very many people.

[FormerBondFan]

I think Craig would do Trek with passion.

[Kristatos]

I think Craig would do Trek with passion.

Is he a Trekkie?

[FormerBondFan]

Yep.

[Blowfeld]

I think Craig would do Trek with passion.

Is he a Trekkie?

Right after his name became known he was trying to land a role in anything Star Trek. I read a couple of interviews where he said he would love to be in a new TV series or movie. Which I assume would prohibit him from filming Bond.

[katied]

I think Craig would do Trek with passion.

Is he a Trekkie?

Right after his name became known he was trying to land a role in anything Star Trek. I read a couple of interviews where he said he would love to be in a new TV series or movie. Which I assume would prohibit him from filming Bond.

Well, with a enforced break (thanks to EON) he might get his wish!

[Capt. Sir Dominic Flandry]

Did they really have to superimpose a picture of Craig'e head onto Bourne for the Bourne pic? They could have just used a still from CR.

He does rather look like Adrian Chiles too.