Bonding with Bond:All Of The 007 Films

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 1: Dr. No
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 21, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

Everyone's seen at least two or three James Bond films, right? That's certainly a reasonable assumption for most, but when it recently came up in office discussions that I had never seen a single one of them, save for the recent "remake" of Casino Royale, I was roundly ridiculed by the other members of the RT staff. To rectify this tragic turn of events, I've taken on the task of watching every Bond film in chronological order, leading up to the release of Quantum of Solace. Feel free to follow me on my journey of discovery as I explore the world of cinema's greatest spy.

Dr. No




The first thing that struck me about Dr. No was 007's attire. Naturally, I'm familiar with the image of his silhouette as seen through the barrel of an anonymous gun, creeping along slowly before facing the camera and firing a single shot. What I didn't expect was that Bond would be sporting a fedora during this famous intro. It made me wonder if I just never knew he liked hats, or if the accessory had been later supplanted by other personal effects, like acid-spewing watches, pen lasers, and decoder rings.

I was, of course, rather anticipating the first Bond appearance, and when it happened, I was rewarded handsomely. He's seated at a card table opposite a hottie in a red dress and winning every hand when the woman asks him his name. The camera cuts to his face for the first time as he lights a cigarette and responds, "Bond. James Bond," cuing his theme music in the background. He ends up winning a ton of cash at the table and bedding the aforementioned hottie, and all this before he even sets out on his adventure.



I have one thing written in my notes here, and it became my mantra throughout the movie: "smooth MF." He would transform a mundane activity like closing a door or hanging his hat into a ballet of sex and champagne, and I was effectively man-putty in his hands. He was so smooth I almost forgot about the eyebrows that seemed to stretch into his sideburns... almost. The first time he meets Honey Ryder on a Jamaican beach, for example, she freaks out and draws her knife on him, but he casually tells her "My intentions are honorable," and soon enough they're frolicking down the coastline together. I don't blame her.

Speaking of Honey Ryder, I'm still not settled on whether this first official "Bond girl" was only free-spirited and simple or Forrest Gump with a killer body. Frankly, I think her character was more a veiled critique on homeschooling -- she learned everything she knows from a set of encyclopedias, and she believes in dragons. But hey, she's hot, and she spends most of her screen time either in a bikini or drenched in seawater or foam, and isn't that what being a Bond girl is really all about?



Let's talk about Dr. No himself. It surprisingly hadn't occurred to me before, but I saw elements of Mike Myers's Dr. Evil in the character, what with the distinctly industrial underground lair, the nuclear subplot, and the retro-modern pseudo-Chinese formalwear. Upon bringing this up with my fellow RTers, I was told that Dr. Evil also borrowed from a later Bond villain, Blofeld, from On Her Majesty's Secret Sevice, so I have something to look forward to. I have to say I liked Dr. No; he was classy and articulate, but menacing. His mechanical black hands were powerful enough to crush solid metal, but delicate enough to handle a cigarette. And he somehow figured out a way to cleanse the body of radiation with a hot shower.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie much more than I anticipated. I don't think Dr. No was a milestone in technical brilliance, nor do I think it was attempting to be, but it was fun and, at times, unintentionally hilarious. I got more out of Bond's one-liners, his shameless womanizing, and his Jamaican sidekick Quarrel yelling "Look! What's that!" every five minutes than I did out of the spy intrigue central to the story. It seemed more of a showcase to display how much of a badass James Bond was, and in that regard, Dr. No delivered on all counts. I foresee my perception of the character changing over the next few weeks, and I'm officially excited to see what other shenanigans he'll be up to in the next installment.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 2: From Russia With Love
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 22, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

From Russia With Love


I had certain expectations for From Russia With Love, but I found that they were turned a bit upside down. It was solid and pretty well done, but I have to confess that when I finished the film, I found myself thinking, "Gee, that was kind of, well, boring." That's right, I said it: boring. Was it a better made film than Dr. No? I'd say so, yes. Was it as much fun to watch as Dr. No? Not for me, really. While you're chewing on that, let me offer you some thoughts to help you digest.

Connery nailed the role again, but like much of the film, he felt somewhat subdued to me. Where were the random displays of flair from the first movie, like the suave twirl he did when he stood up from Miss Moneypenny's desk and entered M's office for the first time? Where was the goofy sidekick a la Quarrel, the over-the-top villain, the extras with bad aim and even worse accents? And what of the classic "Bond. James Bond?" Maybe my preconceptions simply clouded my judgment, and I'm coming at the Bond franchise all wrong. I also don't want to sound like I didn't enjoy From Russia With Love, because I did; just not as much as Dr. No. Having said all that, let's get to the fun stuff.



There were a number of interesting things to note. First off was the unexpected introduction of Blofeld, the other Bond villain I'm told Dr. Evil is based upon. You never actually hear his name spoken, nor do you see his face, but there he is in the end credits, played by a gentleman named "?". Like Prince. Then there was young, barrel-chested Robert Shaw as Red Grant, a rival superspy with Bond in his sights and Bond's true nemesis in the film. He was a great villain, smart, strong, and unflinching, but because of Blofeld's mysterious presence, I failed to realize Bond's fight with Grant was the climactic one-on-one battle.

Moving on, when Bond appears for the first time, he's sharing a picnic with none other than Sylvia Trench, the same saucy dame from the casino in Dr. No! Bond is quickly called away for duty, but indulges in a farewell shag with Sylvia - again - before leaving her to save the world. I'm sensing a pattern here, and I won't be surprised if Sylvia randomly appears throughout the franchise to help remind us that Bond's got pros in all area codes.


The film's main sexpot, however, is Tatiana Romanova, a Russian agent who falls prey to Bond's charms. She was pretty in a Cybill Shepherd sort of way, but I personally didn't think she held a candle to Honey Ryder, nor did she have as cool a name. I also couldn't tell whether she was only pretending to love Bond or actually in love with him; the latter, of course, turns out to be the case. Furthermore, consider that Bond winds up in an implied threesome with two gypsy women after a gratuitous catfight over another man, and I think it's safe to say no woman is off limits for 007.

I liked From Russia With Love, but I think the impossibly debonair Bond of the first film lost just a little bit of his luster here, in favor of a stronger plot and more interesting characters. Maybe I was just shell shocked to discover not all of the early Bond films were entirely campy and ridiculous. I imagine if I'd seen it back in '63, before all these plotlines and archetypes had time to impregnate the imaginations of aspiring copycat screenwriters, I might have turned in a CIA application the very next day.

My favorite line: "I'd like to see her in the Flesh."
My favorite moment: The gratuitous gypsy catfight, for various reasons.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 3: Goldfinger
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 23, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

Goldfinger

So far, watching the Bond films has yielded revelation upon revelation, as I saw the various elements that later films borrowed from them. I think, for example, that I would have appreciated the Austin Powers series on a far greater level had I seen Goldfinger first. Goldfinger vs. Goldmember, Pussy Galore vs. Alotta Fagina, Oddjob vs. Random Task, etc. And I promise that'll be the last comparison I'll make to Austin Powers for a while -- even I'm somewhat disturbed it's my first point of reference.

The beginning of Goldfinger immediately sets a different tone from its predecessor, as we see Bond swimming underwater with a faux duck pasted to the top of his head. After emerging and tossing aside the disguise, he deploys a grappling hook to scale a wall, dispatches a guard, breaks into a room full of heroin and explosive gas to plant a bomb, sheds his wetsuit to reveal a pristine white tux, and casually lights a cigarette as a blood orange explosion thunders in the background. This is how I had always pictured 007.

We also get our first look at Q branch, where all the spy gadgets are born, and Bond's classic, pimped out Aston Martin DB5. The familiar tools of the trade are starting to come together, and that's pretty novel to see for the first time. From simply supplying a Walther PPK, to providing an all-purpose briefcase, to building a bulletproof, machine gun equipped, oil-slicking, "homer" tracking luxury car, it seems Q's budget has gotten some attention.


One thing that's remained constant so far, however, is the level of sophistication and chivalry in Bond's adversaries. Dr. No practically treats him to an all-inclusive spa vacation; Red Grant maintains polite conversation even as he's about to blow Bond away; and here, Goldfinger plays a round of golf with him before attempting to split his coccyx up the middle with a laser. I suppose it makes sense on some level; if I could convince my greatest enemy to sit down, have a cigar, and discuss fixed rate mortgages, it'd probably be that much easier for my henchman to sneak up from behind and take the sucker's head clean off with his deadly... hat. Sadly, I fear quality nemeses like these have gone the way of the archaeopteryx.


There isn't as much womanizing in Goldfinger, partly because Bond is ordered to keep himself in check, and partly because Pussy Galore isn't the kind of woman who will stand for it. Her name is an utter tease, because she's so far the only woman who hasn't immediately disrobed upon making eye contact with Bond. But let's be serious here; this is James Bond. Does he end up literally rolling in the hay with PG (ha, ironic!) anyway? Naturally. I've come to expect it.

All in all, Goldfinger was a nice mix of its two predecessors, blending the playfulness and charm of Dr. No with the story and production quality of From Russia With Love. It was campy at times, but it also had some decent action and a relatively believable plot that was easy to follow, not that you need a 170 IQ to follow any Bond plot, it seems. Finally, I'm somewhat reluctant to admit it, but I think I'm finding I enjoy the sillier elements in these films more than anything else.

My favorite line: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"

My favorite moment: The gassing of Fort Knox, which plays out much like the fainting goats viral video. It was so good I rewound it and watched it in double-time, which made it even better.

[stockslivevan]

I read them, nice to see a newbie get into the flicks. But shouldn't this just be one thread with links provided instead of the whole review? I think having 21 threads dedicated to each review by the same guy is redundant.

Other than that, looking forward to seeing how he views the rest of the flicks. It's always nice seeing someone being introduced to Bond and becoming a fan.

[Dr. No]

Hard to believe he never saw the movies before.
I think he misses the point of some of the story in Dr No.

a veiled critique on homeschooling,

yeah that was a big topic in 1962. Might have been a critique of worldbook. She was selfeducated adn knew things Bond didn't, and there was a dragon of sorts. She struggled to survive everyday and ended up in danger after Bond upsets Dr No. Guess when the guy keeps going back to Mike Myers for his comparison we can't expect much.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 4: Thunderball
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 24, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

Today is Day 4 of my journey, and I'll be talking about Thunderball and some of the things I've noticed about the franchise in general.

Thunderball

I have to say, I've really liked the opening credit sequences thus far. They're thematic, yet consistent in style, and they establish a trademark of sorts on the franchise. Dr. No started it all with the credits colorfully projected across the bodies of dancing women, and each successive movie has customized the concept; Goldfinger's women were appropriately slathered in gold paint, for example, and now with Thunderball, the credits are displayed amidst a backdrop of women tumbling underwater. Great execution of a novel idea.

So now, having watched 4 Bond movies, I've made some general observations I'd like to share, even if they're not entirely specific to Thunderball -- be warned, spoilers may follow. First, it's apparent that the opening scenes, which are mostly irrelevant to the rest of the film, exist simply to remind us how awesome 007 is. In Thunderball, he attends the funeral of a colonel who's killed two of his colleagues and faked his death, choking the life out of the colonel, escaping via jet pack (yes, jet pack), and speeding away in his Aston Martin. A Totally irrelevant, but blissfully testosterone-packed 5 minutes.


Secondly, Bond is a sex addict and a bit of a misogynist. He's hot, he knows he's hot, and he milks it down to the last homogenized drop. Maybe this was a given for others, and I probably acknowledged the probability of this on some level, but not to the extent that I've witnessed in these films so far. I had always pictured him more to be a suave, seductive womanizer, and while he's certainly that, he takes it to another level. He will lay any woman he can get his hands on, including the mistresses and operatives of his enemies, often manhandling the misbehavers. In fact, if he knows a woman is out to get him, he'll get her into bed just because he knows they've been told to do whatever it takes to get close to him... and then he kills them or has them arrested.

The films seem to justify this behavior by conveniently having every single one of them fall in love with him. When he practically rapes Pussy Galore, for example, does she turn right around and fire one off into his swimsuit area? No, and in fact, she ends up betraying Goldfinger and helping Bond defeat him! The Bond girl in Thunderball, exotic Dominique "Domino" Derval, whose initials are appropriately DD, is the mistress of the film's main villain, Emilio Largo. As Bond swaggers his way into her life, she falls for him, and next thing you know, she's planting a harpoon in Largo's back. Which leads me to another observation I made while watching Thunderball: Bond's lovin' is so righteous, it turns bad girls good.

Thirdly, I see the brilliance in the concept of SPECTRE. By allowing glimpses of Blofeld and populating his rogue's gallery with a gaggle of peons with generic names, the writers (perhaps Ian Fleming himself, in the books?) have set themselves up with unlimited sequel fodder. I can imagine audiences returning to the theaters for each installment in hopes of seeing the ultimate showdown between Bond and the mysterious cat-stroker. What, Largo wants to blow up countries with nukes? That's wicked, but look, there's this other guy behind the scenes pulling the strings!



Thunderball was enjoyable, though the plot is a bit simple ("Give me money or I'm gonna blow you and your people to smithereens!"), and the climactic underwater battle is somewhat uninspiring. Bond remains uflinchingly cool; he could suffer a subdural hematoma, and he'd continue right on solving mysteries and snacking on pecans. I think that these first four I've seen will have given me sufficient perspective on the franchise to get a lot out of tonight's viewing, the "original" Casino Royale, one of the unofficial James Bond movies and a spoof on the agent.

My favorite line: "I think he got the point," after nailing a would-be assassin to a tree with a spear gun.

My favorite moment: The scene in the clinic when Bond is almost killed by some antiquated physical therapy machine. The hot nurse he's been flirting with comes in, afraid she'll get in trouble for allowing it to happen, and Bond tells her he can be convinced not to tattle if she goes to bed with him. I'm sorry, but that's like something straight out of amateur porn. In other words, incredible.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 5: Casino Royale (1967)
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 25, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

On Day 5, I watched the "original" Casino Royale, one of the unofficial Bond movies. Read below to see what I thought of the spoof.


Casino Royale (1967)

Even before I began watching Casino Royale, I wondered to myself how I would make it relevant to the Bond canon as a whole, being that it's not really a Bond movie in the traditional sense. At the same time, it suddenly occurred to me that, while I assumed most audiences were in awe of Bond's antics, I neglected to give them the credit to see the inherent absurdity of the movies that I now see as someone far removed from the era. Casino Royale showed me that even back then, there were a fair share of people who stopped to guffaw or scratch their heads during a Bond film, basically reducing the 007 stories to something akin to the delusional ramblings of Baron Munchausen.

I thought the way they set up the film was pretty clever. The "original" James Bond, played by David Niven, is retired and living in a sprawling mansion surrounded by lions. He is visited by M and three other international spy representatives who have come to pull him out of retirement, because their existing agents are either dead or missing. Bond's reply, at first, is simply to criticize the "current" 007 (i.e. Connery's interpretation) for being a shameless womanizer who relies on ridiculous gadgets and leaves mass destruction in his wake. I happened to notice that this telling scene takes place at the 0:07 mark. Coincidence or fate?


That's the only direct reference to the earlier Bond films that I can recall in Casino Royale, but the comedy is littered with subtle and not-so-subtle allusions to recurring Bond themes and plot conventions. The beautiful women (and yes, even here, they are all gorgeous), the amazing toys of Q branch, the nonsensical plot for world domination are all present, and stretched by hyperbole to an extent that only a spoof movie could pull off. It almost worked for me, but some of the scenes are just so loony that they feel forced and unnecessary. I mean, the movie actually starts off kind of intriguing, but in the end, everything devolves into an orgy of cowboys, seals, bubbles, Frankenstein's monster, and Woody Allen belching animated clouds of gas. When a UFO looking like something out of Centipede showed up, I decided it was too much, even for me.

Speaking of which, another thing I noticed about Casino Royale was the caliber of the actors involved. David Niven, of course, is the original James Bond who trains up a handful of new 007s, one of whom is Peter Sellers. Throw in a young Woody Allen, Orson Welles, Deborah Kerr, John Huston as M, and cameos from the likes of Peter O'Toole and Jean Paul Belmondo, among others, and all I have to say is wow! Part of me felt like their involvement in the project could have been their way of saying, "I can't believe you people buy into this crap." Even Ursula Andress shows up in a prominent role as a smarter, less Nell-like Bond girl, so to speak, almost as if she wanted to prove she wasn't really the idiot she portrayed as Honey Ryder in Dr. No.



I've never really been a huge fan of parodies like this, but there's something a little classier about the older ones. Yes, Casino Royale did occasionally stumble into "unwatchable" territory for me, but when the jokes were based in clever, witty dialogue, as opposed to ineffective slapstick, I thought they worked pretty well. It was never bladder-busting, but it wasn't terrible either. Frankly, I was enjoying the normal Bond films so much that I'm actually looking forward to leaving this behind and moving on to You Only Live Twice.

My favorite line: "I'm beginning to think you're a trifle neurotic." Peter Sellers, master of the obvious, says this to Woody Allen.

My favorite moment: At one point, a lackey standing in a telephone booth located on the western side of the Berlin Wall is blown to bits, taking a portion of the wall with him. Immediately dozens of East German refugees come pouring through the gap.

[Goldeneye]

I read them, nice to see a newbie get into the flicks. But shouldn't this just be one thread with links provided instead of the whole review? I think having 21 threads dedicated to each review by the same guy is redundant.

Other than that, looking forward to seeing how he views the rest of the flicks. It's always nice seeing someone being introduced to Bond and becoming a fan.

Yes, well, my first intention was to put them all in one thread, wasn't sure they would be noticed so tested to see if the individual titles would get more attention by themselves.

Mr Fujitani is taking his task very seriously, going as far as watching the non Eon Bonds. 23 films all told.

[stockslivevan]

I never watched the 1967 spoof and I don't think I ever will.

[carl stromberg]

I never watched the 1967 spoof and I don't think I ever will.

I love those 60's Pink Panther type films, but CR (1967) annoys me. Why didn't that bloke just make another Bond film? I know he was trying to ruin the Eon Bond series with his spoof, but, what a complete tit!

George has been ethnically cleansed from the Bonds pic too.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 6: You Only Live Twice
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 26, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

After a quick detour into spoof territory with 1967's Casino Royale, I jump right back into the regular Bond films with You Only Live Twice.


You Only Live Twice

Because I was told by others in the office that there was one particular Bond movie that took place in Japan, when I realized You Only Live Twice was that movie I was prepared for the silliness to return. I could only imagine what a late 60s portrayal of Japanese culture would yield. Interestingly enough, I found that this 5th official Bond film was overall another serious installment, and a pretty decent one at that.

A couple of things I immediately noticed as early as the opening credits: there is actually someone employed in the department of "Continuity." I've never seen this in any other film, though it might be a common assignment, and I thought it was quite appropriate that the first time I noticed it was in an early James Bond movie, where one might consider continuity to be of secondary importance.

Secondly, the screenplay was written by who? Roald Dahl? What? The guy who wrote "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "James and the Giant Peach?" I'm a huge fan of Dahl, including his more adult stories, so this was an incredibly novel (and utterly random) surprise for me. Throughout the movie, I paid special attention to see if I could detect any of Dahl's fingerprints, but a Bond script is so far removed from what I know of his writing - and I've read a lot of it - that I came up empty.



Now, while I did write above that the movie maintained a fairly serious tone, I have to point out what I'm sure everyone is expecting me to mention: Bond's "transformation" into a Japanese man to go undercover in a fishing village. They go to the trouble of laying Sean Connery out on what appears to be an operating table, Face/Off style, with half a dozen Japanese girls applying makeup, implanting a new head of hair, and shaving his chest. When the newly converted 007 emerges, we see that the agent has magically become... Sean Connery in a kimono and a bowl-cut hairpiece. Shocking, positively shocking. He looks like the father of Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber, or a cross between George W. Bush and a Vulcan (see pic above).



Oh, but it gets better. Not only are there ninjas on Bond's side (YES! Ninjas!), but Bond is also trained to become one! There are a couple of scenes depicting his training regime, but, as you might imagine, they're far from impressive. And you know, it really makes sense when you see the ninjas in action later: they might just be the worst ninjas ever captured on celluloid. Foregoing the traditional practice of operating in small groups, if not solo, and maintaining invisibility through stealth, the ninjas of You Only Live Twice travel by the hundreds, carry machine guns, and storm enemy bases head on. They're more like commandos in blue pajamas.



The payoff at the end is that we finally get to see the face of the elusive Ernst Stavro Blofeld, who captures Bond and introduces himself to him. It's also apparent why Blofeld never shows his face, as the right side of it looks like an unfinished claymation mold. His mere introduction, however, tells me that we're closing in on the villain. Blofeld apparently figures heavily into the story for On Her Majesty's Secret Service, which is my next viewing, but since Bond will be played by George Lazenby instead of Sean Connery, I'll be sad if Bond finally defeats Blofeld in that film. Connery at least deserves to get a little freaky with Blofeld's mistress, whoever that may be, after all Blofeld has put him through.

It was refreshing to return to the real franchise after wading through the nonsense of Casino Royale. The movie was absolutely focused on telling its story, so the women were mostly forgettable, and it rarely veered off into unnecessary tangents. In this way, it felt more to me like From Russia With Love than the other installments, except that it wasn't quite as good, in my opinion. I enjoyed it overall, but unless I wanted to amass a comprehensive Bond collection, I don't think I could see myself wanting to own it, unlike, say Dr. No, which will probably have a lot of replay value for me.

My favorite line: "Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?" I've often wondered the same thing, Mr. Bond.

My favorite moment: Early on, Bond assumes the identity of a defeated Japanese assassin by donning his trenchcoat, hat, and shoes and convincing the getaway driver he's injured. The getaway driver carries Bond into the enemy's headquarters without so much as a thought as to why his buddy suddenly grew a foot and gained 35 pounds.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 7: On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 27, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

Today I talk about On Her Majesty's Secret Service, the first Bond film not to feature Sean Connery, and therefore a love-it-or-hate-it entry in the canon.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service



Because I wasn't alive at the time On Her Majesty's Secret Service opened in theaters, I can only imagine how audiences would have reacted to the replacement of Sean Connery by George Lazenby as Bond. Matt, my dutiful editor-in-chief, told me it would have been something like replacing Harrison Ford with another actor, any actor, as Indiana Jones, and continuing the franchise. In other words, Lazenby had his work cut out for him. As you read the following, be forewarned once again that spoilers will abound.

For what it's worth, I thought Lazenby to be an acceptable Bond, if different from Connery. By stature alone, he is leaner, less bear-like than Connery, and in demeanor he seems to personify a slicker Bond, full of witty quips at every turn and perhaps more romantic. The cockiness is still there, but he doesn't really muscle his way into the pants of his leading ladies so much as he subtly charms his way into them. What's more, he actually weds his Bond girl, Tracy di Vicenzo, in a bona fide marriage (as opposed to his faux marriage to Kissy Suzuki in You Only Live Twice) and even proclaims his genuine love for her, something Bond had yet to do with any of his women thus far. This was not something I was ever expecting to see, given the nature of Connery's Bond, who probably also wouldn't have been caught dead engaging in a romantic montage set to Louis Armstrong.



Lazenby's athleticism also struck me right away. It appeared that Lazenby performed many of his own stunts (i.e. the cable car machine room scene), which was nice to see. The opening fight on the beach and the hotel room fracas shortly thereafter both felt grittier, more raw than any of the fistfights I'd seen up to that point. So I wasn't surprised when I did a little research and discovered Lazenby himself was an accomplished martial artist who actually studied under (and was a friend to) Bruce Lee, of all people. I think this helped tremendously in lending the action sequences a bit more oomph, so to speak.

A couple of problems I had with the movie: Before the audience is introduced to the main plot of the movie, the story focuses on Tracy di Vicenzo's father, crime boss Marc Ange Draco, and his desire to tame the free spirit of his daughter. He takes a break from his normal thuggery to enlist the help of Bond, asking him to "dominate her, to make love to her enough to make her love him," in exchange for some info leading to Blofeld. If that's not bizarre enough, Bond actually befriends the man, asks him for help to defeat Blofeld, then marries his daughter. Let's keep in mind that Draco is head of the second biggest crime syndicate in Europe behind SPECTRE, but there he is, smiling and well-wishing at Bond's wedding right alongside M, Q, and Moneypenny.



Speaking of SPECTRE, Blofeld is back, as promised, but he too has been replaced by another actor, namely Telly Savalas. Yes, Kojak. Furthermore, he no longer sports the hideous facial scar he proudly displayed in You Only Live Twice. But perhaps the most insulting aspect of this change is that, when Bond infiltrates Blofeld's headquarters posing as a genealogist, Blofeld doesn't recognize him at all. So... the guy who invaded your Japanese base, who you had at gunpoint before getting a ninja star through the forearm, who has been singlehandedly ruining every one of your plans for world domination, is suddenly an unfamiliar face? I suppose it's possible in a world where Sean Connery can pass for a Japanese man simply by getting a haircut, but I think it probably would have been easier if they had just hired the "Continuity" guy again.

Despite these flaws, I thought On Her Majesty's Secret Service was pretty solid. I actually forgot soon enough that Lazenby was, in fact, "not Connery," and I became comfortable with him in the role. Aside from a few funny moments attributable to dated production quality, the movie was another serious entry, and that was just fine by me. Thankfully, this also wasn't the last appearance of Blofeld, as he does escape, so Connery may get his man after all. I suppose I'll find out when I watch Diamonds Are Forever tonight.

My favorite line: "I have taught you to love chickens." -- A recording of Blofeld's voice, which is played via loudspeaker to brainwash a Meg Ryan lookalike as she sleeps.

My favorite moment: Late in the movie, as Bond is making an escape on skis, he tosses a baddie in pursuit over the edge of an immense cliff. We get to see him fall all the way to the bottom, a journey that lasts for 15 glorious seconds.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 8: Diamonds Are Forever
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 28, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

After relinquishing the Bond throne to George Lazenby for one film, Sean Connery makes his return to the role in Diamonds Are Forever. Read on to see my reaction to the latest installment.



Diamonds Are Forever

Wow. With so much to talk about, where do I begin? Diamonds Are Forever was by far my least favorite Bond film to this point, and I don't mind saying that right up front. Everything, from the dialogue to the choice of locale to the Bond girl, were, in my opinion, subpar to the rest of the series. Even Connery himself, who hasn't been the same Bond to me since he first blew me away with his bravado and slickness in Dr. No, seems to walk through the part nonchalantly. He isn't James Bond so much as he's just a dude who happens to be the main character. And that's sad.

Furthermore, what in the world happened to Connery in the four years since he made You Only Live Twice? He'll always be the mighty Sean Connery, but in Diamonds, his hair is graying, he's gained some weight, and he doesn't have the same sparkle in his eye. Maybe the advent of drab 70s fashion had something to do with it, or maybe he spent too many late nights partying it up with his groupies. Seeing him appear for the first time on screen in Diamonds, I was reminded of former NBA star Shawn Kemp, who finished a season cut early by a player strike looking fine, but returned the next year looking like Big Daddy Kane's reflection in a funhouse mirror.


So let's start at the beginning. I cannot express to you the exasperation I felt upon seeing that Blofeld had not only lost the eye scar this time, but decided to take on the appearance of Mr. Henderson, Bond's first contact in You Only Live Twice, who received a knife in the back and, presumably, died. Did they simply assume I would have forgotten? Or did they think that all my concerns should have been put to rest, simply because they introduced the idea that Blofeld had gotten cosmetic surgery and found a way to clone himself? This is all even before the opening credits roll, people.

So Bond sends Blofeld "to Hell" in that opening sequence, but of course we know that's not the last we'll see of him. It turns out the Blofeld Bond killed was a clone (of course), and the real Blofeld has assumed the identity of a reclusive Las Vegas hotel owner, and he's holed up in the hotel penthouse with yet another clone (with his very own cloned cat); by this point, I'd pretty much given up on the movie. When Blofeld finally "dies", we don't even see it, so who knows if he's going to show up again, maybe next time as Dr. No, or Pussy Galore, or Hulk Hogan. And I didn't even talk about Blofeld's narrow cross-dressing escape a la Mrs. Doubtfire...


The cutesy names are back in spades... in Diamonds. The main Bond girl's name is Tiffany Case, but there's also a brief appearance from a Plenty O'Toole, as well as two gymnast-assassins named Bambi and Thumper (are they serious?). And Tiffany is the only one who's passable; the others are all terrible actresses. Terrible! I almost got the feeling they drove to Vegas, picked up a few girls off the street, and said, "Hey, wanna be eye candy for the new Bond film?" To be fair, the men aren't much better (Mr. Willard Whyte in particular).

There were just too many things I just couldn't accept or comprehend about Diamonds are Forever. Bond balancing a car on two wheels, a voice masking device, the oddness of Blofeld's two homosexual hitmen (one of whom eerily resembles a white, human version of Rowlf from the Muppets), Blofeld's inexplicable refusal to kill Bond on several convenient occasions, etc. I'm curious to know exactly how much of this nonsense was in any of Ian Fleming's books. Also, I expected to enjoy the campiness of the sillier Bond films, but after having seen this, I'm starting to wonder if that'll be the case at all. I may just emerge from the Roger Moore years more frustrated and befuddled than entertained, and this worries me.

My favorite line: "You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts." Uh, what?

My favorite moment: When Bond escapes from a poorly devised plan to bury him in the desert and shows up at Blofeld's headquarters in the middle of the ocean, what does Blofeld say? "Put him in the brig!" And "the brig" turns out to be a storage room with a hatch in the middle of the floor, allowing Bond to escape and wreak havoc with a crane.

[stockslivevan]

I disagree with most of what he said, especially on dialogue which I thought was some of the most sharp and witty parts of the series. You Only Live Twice for me is much worse.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 9: Live and Let Die
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 29, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

James Bond gets yet another makeover with a third actor, Roger Moore, in Live and Let Die. Read on to see what I thought about the 8th official film and Moore's performance as 007.


Live and Let Die

Whether it was due to my own personal lowered expectations or the subpar quality of Diamonds Are Forever, my first experience with a Roger Moore film turned out to be rather pleasant. As I stated with George Lazenby, it was certainly different, but it was pleasant nonetheless. Yes, Live and Let Die did have its unbelievable moments, and yes, it did get silly, but there were enough other redeeming qualities to allow me to enjoy it.

The first thing I've noticed, partially because I've been paying attention to it in every film thus far, is that this was the first entry in the Bond series where 007 is hatless in the classic intro. Maybe it was because we had officially entered the 70s (a fact that would be strongly reinforced by other elements of Live and Let Die) and fedoras were no longer chic, but maybe it was also a way to tell audiences subtly, "We are entering a new era of James Bond."



I really enjoyed the title song as well, something I haven't touched on yet. I understand there are some who have great affection for some of the earlier Bond title songs, but this was the first one I heard that I felt could have stood on its own merits. Not only that, I thought I detected something distinctly Beatles-esque about it, so I wasn't surprised to discover it was by Paul McCartney and Wings.

Then Roger Moore makes a rather anticlimactic debut screen appearance as Bond, lying in bed with an Italian agent. I thought it was effective to introduce him so nonchalantly, as the grand reveal of George Lazenby in OHMSS felt a little strange to me. Overall, as I did with Lazenby, I found Moore to be an acceptable Bond. I will admit it took me a little while to become comfortable with his slight build and gentler demeanor; he felt classier, if not as smooth as his predecessors. For me, the progression of Bond from Connery to Lazenby to Moore was a gradual transition into the more gentlemanly Bond that I had always pictured, so ultimately I was willing to accept it and move on.

As for the quality of the film itself, I was prepared for the camp, so I wasn't surprised by the goofier elements. The African-American stereotypes that inundate especially the early scenes didn't shock me as much as they would have otherwise; I was willing to go along with the idea that this diplomat/crime boss would rely on tarot readings so heavily; and I hardly batted an eyelash at the oddball scenes of comic relief (the bug-eyed flight student woman, for example). I did little more than chuckle dismissively when the incredible boat chase later in the movie devolves into "The Dukes of Hazzard" on water.



Speaking of which, the action in the movie is very watchable, particularly the aforementioned boat chase. The only problem I had with them is that the bad guys in Live and Let Die have got to be some of the worst drivers ever. They're flying motorcycles off ramps and dying, veering off roads and into rivers, destroying planes in hangars due to a refusal to slow down during sharp turns, speeding boats into trees and cop cars. They're conveniently handicapped in judgment when they're behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. Nice for the action choreographer, but a little nonsensical nonetheless.

Jane Seymour is Solitaire, the tarot reading Bond girl who works under the film's villain, Mr. Big, and another "bad girl turned good" by Bond. I didn't recognize her at first, because I'd never seen her at this point in her career; she was really quite stunning, though I might consider her more "cute" than "sexy" here. On top of that, she was one of the few Bond girls with legitimate acting chops, which is more than I can say of the other Bond girl who gets significant screen time, Rosie Carver (played by Gloria Hendry). Geez Louise, she could not act her way out of an invisible box. It was absolutely embarrassing to watch her on screen, and I was almost relieved when she was finally offed by the silliest voodoo scarecrow I've ever seen.



In conclusion, while Live and Let Die was a far cry from the earlier Connery films, I still found it more enjoyable than not. I can see that Bond will be taking a very different tone now, and it seems the makers of the films are very self-aware about this. If they're willing to push things to the limit, fine, I'm willing to match them step for step and go along for the ride. I am well prepared to receive the rest of the Roger Moore films, so I say, "Bring it on!"

My favorite line: "Get me a make on a white pimpmobile!"

My favorite moment: Mr. Big, who in my opinion was an interesting but relatively forgettable villain, is engaged in the final struggle with Bond. Bond places a special capsule in Mr. Big's mouth, causing him to expand like Professor Klump, float to the ceiling, and explode. Wow.

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 10: The Man with the Golden Gun
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 30, 2008

rottentomatoes.com

Roger Moore made a very good Bond debut with Live and Let Die, so today's film, The Man with the Golden Gun, would show me how well his portrayal would hold up.

The Man with the Golden Gun

One thing I've noticed about the two Roger Moore films I've seen so far is that, yes, while they are more playful and light in tone, they seem to have ramped up the action and stunts. In other words, they are closer to what a blockbuster film as we know it today might be, and perhaps they were, in fact, the trendsetters for the big action pieces we regularly see at the theaters. Having said that, I thought The Man with the Golden Gun started off promisingly, but quickly became a bit dull and ended up disappointing me overall. I had a better experience with Live and Let Die, but I'm also already comfortable with the sort of Bond that Roger Moore will be.

As I mentioned, the beginning scenes gave me high hopes for the remainder of the film. The first thing that set my heart aflutter was the appearance of Nick Nack (better known to me as Tattoo from the TV show Fantasy Island), dressed in a butler's outfit and carrying a tray of champagne to an attractive woman sunbathing on a beach. So far so good. As he approaches the woman, no less than Christopher Lee steps out of the surf to join them. Finally, as if Tattoo, a beautiful woman in a swimsuit, and Christopher Lee weren't enough, we soon get a close-up of Lee's chest, which reveals the curious presence of a third nipple! Throw in a shootout amongst carnival games and funhouse attractions, and I'm not sure I could have conceived a better intro if I was on acid.



Now, I won't go so far as to say it was all downhill from there, but the movie certainly failed to maintain the same kind of entertainment value for its duration. The plot focuses on an assassin-for-hire, Francisco Scaramanga (Lee), who takes over a Chinese businessman's shady enterprises to take control of some form of advanced solar cell, but the movie often loses sight of its plot and spends too much time on Bond-centered vignettes. The martial arts school scene, the boat chase immediately following, and the car chase, impressive as it was, are all examples of this. Pure action for the sake of action, which I suppose is not always a bad thing, especially when you have muscle cars doing barrel rolls over rivers and transforming into auto-planes.

I also thought the reappearance of Sheriff Pepper from Live and Let Die was completely unnecessary. I didn't find his comic relief to be all that relieving in the first Moore film, and I didn't find him any more endearing or enjoyable here. His role also smacked of a bit of racism, what with his calling all the Asians he encountered "pointy-heads," but in a film where a Chinese tycoon lives in Thailand and displays statues of Japanese sumo wrestlers in his garden, I suppose that's to be expected.



All the usual Bond conventions are present as well. There are cutesy names like Mary Goodnight and Chew Me; Bond conspires with his enemy's (Scaramanga's) mistress, Andrea Anders (played by Maud Adams), to defeat him; Scaramanga treats Bond to first class service, including a full tour and explanation of his evil toys; and his enemy's henchman (Nick Nack, in this case) reappears in the final minutes after his boss has been defeated, only to be easily handled by Bond. These are not criticisms by any means; in fact, they are more like a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea, reminding me I'm at home in familiar territory.

The Man with the Golden Gun wasn't terrible, but I didn't think it was one of the stronger Bond films either. The action, superfluous as it was, actually managed to wow me on a couple of occasions, and Christopher Lee is probably one of the most capable actors to be featured in any installment thus far. Bond himself also showed a bit of his "old" self, manhandling an uncooperative Anders a bit and playing "bad cop" for the first half of the film before settling back into his charming ways. I thought the movie could have done without Sheriff Pepper, as I mentioned, and the final duel between Bond and Scaramanga was so poorly shot and edited, in my opinion, that I wasn't really able to follow along, making it rather less exciting than it should have been. It seems a good number of people enjoyed The Spy Who Loved Me, so hopefully that will yield a better viewing for me.


My favorite line: Tossup between "I've never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first time," and "He must have found me quite titillating," the latter being spoken after Bond applies a prosthetic third nipple to fool someone into thinking he's Scaramanga.

My favorite moment: This has to be when Scaramanga escapes the car chase by attaching giant wings to the top of his car and flying off. Bond stares up at the sky with a look on his face that almost made me think he was going to say, "Where does he get those wonderful toys?"

[Kristatos]

What happened to LALD?

[Goldeneye]

Bonding with Bond, Day 11: The Spy Who Loved Me
Community Manager Ryan Fujitani is watching all of the James Bond films in order.
by Ryan Fujitani | October 31, 2008
rottentomatoes.com

I've heard and read that The Spy Who Loved Me is widely considered one of Roger Moore's best Bond films. With that in mind, my expectations were raised a bit, and this may have affected my opinion of it as a whole.


The Spy Who Loved Me

First of all, Happy Halloween! I almost felt like dressing as Dr. No today, but I couldn't find my black robot hands. Having said that, I feel like I may now disappoint some of you who have been regularly reading this series; while I did think The Spy Who Loved Me was better than The Man with the Golden Gun, I didn't find it to be overwhelmingly so. In fact, I'd probably put it just slightly below Live and Let Die. I do, however, see that Roger Moore is feeling very comfortable in the role of James Bond, and the producers seem to have settled into how they'd like to portray Moore's brand of 007 -- fun, self-aware, unapologetic.

I really enjoyed the opening of this one as well. First, the way they introduce Anya Amasova, or Agent XXX (played by Barbara Bach -- much nicer to look at than Vin Diesel or Ice Cube), immediately foretells the fact that she'll be a great match for Bond, whether as an ally or adversary. Following this, there is a chase on skis, not dissimilar to the one in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. It isn't as impressive at first, with more of a reliance on greenscreen cinematography, but the culmination of the chase in an utterly breathtaking basejump, followed by Bond's parachute opening up to reveal the British flag, gave me goose bumps. That... was... awesome.


On to the rest of the film: When the character of Karl Stromberg (Curd Jurgens; what a great first name) is first introduced, I immediately noticed a few things. Of course, it was apparent that this would be the main supervillain of the movie, and again he was classy and sophisticated, as they all have been. Secondly, he is, I believe, the fourth one with a penchant for pet sharks. I don't know if this was regularly written into the books, but did Fleming do some market research on evil masterminds to determine these traits? I will be sorely disappointed if I find out Osama Bin Laden isn't hiding away in a luxury bunker under one of the Philippine Islands, sipping Dom Perignon, solving expert level sudokus, and shoveling chum to a school of great whites.

And, of course, Stromberg's got his menacing underlings, in the form of Sandor, a cross between Don Rickles and The Thing, and the steel-grilled Jaws, aka Brendan Fraser on steroids. After a brief stint imitating Lawrence of Arabia, Bond first encounters Sandor and easily disposes of him by tossing him off a building -- I'm not even sure why they bothered to include him. Jaws, on the other hand, is a formidable opponent, surviving a veritable stoning, a tumble from a train, an impossible car accident, gunshots to the teeth, and, quite ironically, an underwater showdown with the aforementioned sharks. And he's the one henchman (so far) who isn't defeated or captured by Bond in the closing moments of the film. He's quite special, in more ways than one.



As for the Bond girl, a role that has been largely uninteresting for the past few movies, Barbara Bach is certainly nice eye candy, even if she does look a little post-mortem in the face at times. But more so than that, she's the first Bond girl since Tracy di Vicenzo (who, incidentally, is briefly mentioned here) to really offer 007 a challenge. Every time he seems to have the jump on her, she's one step ahead, and the casual one-upsmanship between them adds a level of entertainment that wasn't really there with, say, Solitaire or Tiffany Case. On a somewhat related note, I need to start keeping track of how many of these films end with Bond making out with a woman at sea.

Of course, this installment wasn't without its inexplicable moments of nonsense. The Q branch workshop beneath the Egyptian ruins feels like something out of Looney Toons, and the music takes a turn for the sillier when Bond and Amasova are fleeing through the desert in a stolen van. The Lotus chase scene was video game-like; they manage to lose a motorcycle on their tail, only to then be chased by a car, after which a helicopter appears, and when our heroes escape the chopper by driving the Lotus off a pier and transforming it into a submarine, they're harassed by frogmen and armed mini-subs.

Despite the goofier elements of the movie, I think it did a rather admirable job of staying with the story and offering some solid entertainment. There were things that absolutely did not work for me, but the overall sentiment was that it probably would have been great summer fun for me, had I not been a developing fetus in my mother's womb. I understand that Moonraker is universally pooh-poohed, so a part of me is actually excited to witness it for myself. It can't be that bad, can it?


My favorite line: "There's a first time for everything." -- spoken by Bond as he's disarming a nuclear warhead. I wish I could approach situations like that just as nonchalantly.

My favorite moment: Late in the movie, Bond and an army of rescued submarine crewmen attempt to breach the control room of Stromberg's ship. As they stress over how to break through, one sailor steps up and volunteers to lead the charge. I thought to myself, "Wait, should I know this guy? Who is he?" And as the brave sailor charges forth and gets wasted immediately, I thought, "Oh right. He's the expendable extra they used to demonstrate how impregnable the control room is."

[Goldeneye]

What happened to LALD?

It failed to post for some reason.
I went back and fixed it.

[Cyclone49]

These are an interesting read, it's cool to see someone experience Bond for the very first time. Can't say I agree with all of his points, I love DAF and loathe YOLT and Thunderball, but they are quite engaging and well written reviews.