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Yes, Daniel Craig’s James Bond is back, with piercing blue eyes, stubbly blond hair and a face so rough it could scour three-day-old grease off a dirty lasagne tray.
And this time it’s personal. Just like it was last time.
Amid the mound of fair-to-middling knee-jerk “first” reviews and grumbling by twerps, snobs and bloggers from www. noonereadsmywebsite.com, it’s vital to point out that Quantum of Solace is no Casino Royale.
But it’s still top-notch Bond—falling comfortably into the all-time top seven films of the series, alongside Casino, Russia, No, Eye, and two other Moore-free episodes of your own choosing.
ASTON THRILLER: Opening chase
This is Bond as it should be and needs to be in 2008. Gritty, sombre and brutal, with no gadgets, precious few quips, and eyebrows that remain firmly unraised at all times. Not to everyone’s taste, perhaps. But light years ahead of The Wacky Adventures of Grandpa Brosnan.
Quantum is merely the next bit in a sprawling multi-film plotline that began with Casino Royale.
The story picks up just about 15 minutes after the last one finished, and ends with enough loose ends to justify at least one more instalment—and hopefully two.
Bond’s still a bit narked about being betrayed by double agent and sexy mama Vesper Lynd in the last film. So he sets about tracking down the shadowy organisation that forced her to do it. Starting with a breakneck chase along the shores of Lake Garda with Bond firing a machine gun out the window of his Aston Martin (four-star rating in the bag already), Quantum makes no apologies to viewers who didn’t see or can’t remember Casino Royale.
Chaps, you may want to prepare a crib sheet for your other halves.
TOTAL GUFF: Olga as Camille
And ladies, may I warn you that NONE of these questions are acceptable mid-film: “Who’s he?”, “Why’s the old man been shot in the leg?”, “Who’s this Le Sheep everyone’s talking about?”, “Who’s Rene Mathis?” and, particularly, “When’s Daniel Craig going to take his shirt off?”.
Because the answers are: “Watch the last film”, “Watch the last film”, “Watch the last film”, “Watch the last film”, and “Shut up and watch this film”.
The trail leads Bond to Haiti, where he meets Camille (Olga Kurylenko), a rogue Bolivian agent on the trail of exiled General Medrano (Joaquin Cosio).
And with Camille comes Dominic Greene (brilliant Mathieu Amalric), a loaded, weaselly environmentalist who’s smoothing Medrano’s way to power for his own nefarious ends.
Quantum’s a film dominated by eye-popping set pieces. The incredible opening pursuit ends with one of the best first lines Bond’s ever had.
And it’s followed by another, even better, chase—a Bourne-style gallop across the tiled roofs of Siena that sees Bond take (and I’m using specific medical terminology here) an absolute fecking hammering.
Daniel’s said he wants to play Bond until his knees give out. Judging from the amount of punishment he takes here, I give him three weeks.
A superb bit of subterfuge at the opera and a hair-raising skydive also get the adrenaline pumping and demand to be seen on the big screen.
And holy moly, director Marc Forster knows how to make it all look good.
Disappointments? Admittedly, there are a few.
ONE: It’s just not in the same league as Casino. There’s no iconic moment on a par with THAT shower scene.
TWO: The “big finish” feels like more of a halfway stopping-off point. And worst of all . . .
THREE: The new Bond girls are total guff.
Following the impossibly sexy Eva Green was always going to be a tall order. But Olga Kurylenko doesn’t look like she can even be a*sed trying. And Gemma Arterton never quite loses the air of someone who’s won a competition.
But in the big picture? It doesn’t matter.
They’re bit-parters in Daniel Craig’s film and, once again, he knocks it 100 miles out of the park.
Don’t expect another Bond revolution. Do expect an absolute belter of a second chapter.
