Daltonite Toothpaste wrote:I have a feeling that they're going to put it in the middle of the film. Whatever tedious story they've come up this time, will stop for a sped up, shoddily rendered CGI gunbarrel. With blood that looks like someone squirted tomato ketchup on the camera lens.
All the available information says it'll be at the beginning.
You know what will happen...bond will slip on a banana peel in the street, drop the gun, goes to gunbarrel, suddenly a lot of screams can be heard and bond gets arrested for well being stupid .
Favorite Bond Movie: The Living Daylights, Licence To Kill, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, From Russia With Love, Tomorrow Never Dies & For Your Eyes Only.
Favorite Movies: American Mary, Deadlier Than The Male, Dracula, Saved, The Big Sleep, The French Connection, Under The Sand
Daltonite Toothpaste wrote:I have a feeling that they're going to put it in the middle of the film. Whatever tedious story they've come up this time, will stop for a sped up, shoddily rendered CGI gunbarrel. With blood that looks like someone squirted tomato ketchup on the camera lens.
It may be in the end credits. And finally I'll see the words "Daniel Crags Will Not Return as James Bond" and the world will seem a little lighter, poignant and ephemeral....
I’ve been holding back on my rants of late as I don’t want to “take the teeth out” of my Spectre review. (For the record I’m seeing the film next week, but don’t fret not one penny is going directly to EON, and no it won’t be a bootleg or black-market)
I’ve been mulling this rant around for a while and I feel this one is apropos as returns are starting to come in from the GB opening.
In short SP is not going to do anywhere near SF numbers. Will SP be a “success”? Sure. Will it earn back its budget? Probably. Will it earn (thunder crash) ONE BILLION DOLLARS? No.
What leads me to believe this? First, SP doesn’t have the luxury of a major anniversary launch. 2012 saw a rebirth of “Bond Mania” not witnessed since the 60’s, Bond was everywhere. The first 22 films were played continuously on every channel that had the license to do so, heck even the Sy-Fy channel here in the states was playing them! Not only were the films getting extensive play, but every television program that could come up with an excuse to do so concocted a Bond themed episode to highlight the cars, clothes, weapons, and people associated with the films. Even my local news station dropped a reference in a story that had nothing to do with Bond.
Second, the Olympics occurred in London only 2 months earlier turning everyone in to an anglophile. Not only was Bond everywhere but England was as well, Millions tuned in to see Great Briton at her best including a snippet with Craig himself. Obviously this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for EON not to be duplicated again in our time.
Third, the success of SF will kill some of SP profit, as that movie wasn’t too good, and definitely un-Bond. As a result the casual fans that were swayed to come out due to the first two examples I gave will be staying away in droves, as they were underwhelmed by that outing.
Finally, the Sony leaks spilled the entire plot upon the open internet for all to see, and speaking of that plot what a ridiculous mess! Why EON went in that direction in the first place is beyond me, but the fact they stayed with it, despite the outcry on the web is absolutely foolish. Sure there was a call for calm, as “this was an early script” and “changes had been made long ago”. So those who heeded the caution and/or didn’t read the leaks will wait and see, then go to the film, giving it a big opening but profits should slide fast as the horror is confirmed and word gets out
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
Almost forgot to add the dearth of advertising for the film! I don't know about the rest of the world but here in the San Francisco bay area I can count on 3 fingers the number of SP commercials I've seen dispite the film opening next week, I've seen more Bond themed ads by the products placed in the movie (Heineken, Range Rover, etc) than the film itself!
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
People heard that Skyfall was a "classic" and felt they had to watch it. i remember reading numerous comments on newspaper articles where posters would say "I heard it was an all time great film, so I went with my wife to watch it..but it was boring and I do not know what the fuss was about". But with Spectre everyone is criticising it.
Favorite Bond Movie: From Russia With Love,GoldenEye,The Spy Who Loved Me,Goldfinger,Dr.No
Favorite Movies: After the Sunset,The Devil Wears Prada,The Thomas Crown Affair,To Catch a Thief,Midnight in Paris,North by Northwest, Purple Noon, La piscine.
carl stromberg wrote:People heard that Skyfall was a "classic" and felt they had to watch it. i remember reading numerous comments on newspaper articles where posters would say "I heard it was an all time great film, so I went with my wife to watch it..but it was boring and I do not know what the fuss was about". But with Spectre everyone is criticising it.
Skyfall hype was so big that even I was convinced I should see the movie. And prior to that I never watched CR or QOS and had zero interest in the franchise(the rebooted part I mean). Media truly has power. If one thing was brilliant about Skyfall then that's the marketing the PR team did for the movie.
Because of that a movie with a plot like THAT even got a buzz for an Oscar(scratching my head). Let's not even get to the point where it has to be said Skyfall borrowed ideas from TWINE and somehow this was blisfully overlooked. While the former wasn't exactly darling of all critics Skyfall got universal praise.
As for SP...Blofeld turns out to be Bond's brother?!?!?!?!?!? oh good God! Were they stoned when they wrote the script? That's the only explanation I have.
As I’ve said earlier I’ve been holding back awhile in anticipation of this “film” and believe me I’ll be letting it all out now, there’ll be no holding back from here on out! So a note about spoilers, if you’re lurking around ClassicBond.com a subsidy of DanielCraigisnotBond.com the anti-Craig Bond fan site, and are trying to avoid spoilers maybe you should be perusing a different site!
The leaked script that EON claimed was an older draft… that was the entire shooting script for this movie, they didn’t change a thing!
First let me get right to it and address the 400lb gorilla riding the elephant in the room, BLOFELD IS NOW BOND’S FOSTER BROTHER! Yes that Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE who lives in volcano lairs, and strokes a white Persian cat, complete with face scar by the end of the film!!!! After using Austin Powers as an excuse to wipe away 40 years of tradition, they turn around and remake AP3! This is an absolute disgrace! An inexcusable sin that extinguishes any light the rest of the movie may have! The rest of the film could be the second coming of Goldfinger (which it isn’t) and due to this little screen gem the entire film and the franchise itself is torn asunder! If this is Craig’s last (and god I hope it is) it really is one last F.U. to the Bond traditionalists from the infernal Craig era. The funny thing about this is, thanks to the leaks, EON was given a preview of fan reaction to this little morsel, which even caused fanboys to stop, take notice, and give pause. They should have gone the whole soap opera route and had Craig play both Bond and Blofeld as an evil twin complete with goatee. The EON production offices must have been thick with the smoke of a thousand bongs and crack pipes being consumed by the best of yes men for this to have been green lit! No one raised their hand and said hey Babzy maybe this is a bad idea?
This film should have been called Quantum Fan Service as it reaches beyond DAD levels of “call backs” and “homages” to earlier Bond movies. This is distracting in two ways: First you spend the whole film wishing you were watching those far superior films, and second, you spend the whole movie playing “spot the reference”. Why did they bother? This isn’t even an anniversary year! The one concession I could give SF is that despite being the 50th anniversary the self-reference was kept to a minimum. This film tries extremely hard to be a Bond film but never accomplishes that goal, whereas real Bond films are confident to just be what they are. The Moore era gets a lot of flak for “becoming pastiche” but this debacle blows that notion right out of the water!
Any way the film starts in Mexico during the Day of the Dead Festival. We begin by following two masked individuals who are making their way to a hotel room. This is done in one long tracking shot which is more masturbatory than masterful. It’s long unfulfilling and boring. Just like the rest of the film.
Bond and cardboard cutout woman number one reach the room; she flops on the bed then utters her one momentous line: “Where are you going?” As Bond scuttles off on the ledge. That’s girl power for you, we don’t even know if she was helping him in his task, or if she just had a room which Bond felt gave him good roof access. If the later why not just take the stairs?
Bond over hears some nonsense about a bomb plot. Or should I say reads some, there is a nauseating amount of unnecessary subtitles in this film. The bomb goes off for god knows why, destroying half a city block yet somehow Mr. BadGuy who was just outside the room where the earth shattering explosion occurs, survives unscathed and makes for the town square where despite literally dozens of cops line the street he and Bond run through a parade and a helicopter lands in the middle of said square which is full of people who for some reason clear a path for the chopper to land. Any way a shaky cam fight ensues for an excruciating amount of time, encompassing every aerial Bond trope known to man, from FYEO to QOS to DAD before BadGuy dies and the titles start.
The song with the oh so apropos title of “Writings on the Wall” is just as bad set to the titles as it is standing on its own. As to those titles they are truly a disturbing visual, featuring a nude Craig and some honest to god tentacle porn! The less said about them the better I still need to sleep tonight!
We find our hero in M’s office getting a blowing up from his boss and going full 80’s cop movie with the bad attitude and snappy come back.
M as Precinct Capt.:“Where do you get off blowing up half a block in Mexico 007?!”
Bond as Det. BadAss: “Just taking some much overdue vacation, sir!”
Waa, waa, it, like everything else in this film falls with a thud.
Andrew Scott shows up and might as well be playing his Moriarity character, because it’s exactly the same! Some more stilted dialogue, Moneypenny stops by Bond’s flat, he shows her a 10 second film of Dench as M telling him to kill the guy in Mexico, and then attend the funeral. It’s never explained when it was made or why she made it, or how she knew about this guy, or what Bond was supposed to do when he got there, find Brofeld,seduce the widow, simply say a hail Mary? Guess like every other aspect of this plot, it doesn't matter.
At the funeral which reminded me of some Miami Vice out takes, Bond sees Brofeld from the back, old Brofeld is supposedly a recluse who lives in the shadows, yet comes out to go to an underling’s funeral, what is he super catholic? Bond tries to “seduce” the widow with lines so bad he just as well have asked her to help him find the stationary! She rightfully declines and goes home.
At home some men try to kill the widow, Bond kills them, tries to seduce again, gets rejected again, gets angry throws down some champagne glasses then throws her up against a wall. After their not so consensual encounter Bond makes it up to her by telling her his friend “Felix” (Some Leiter fan service) will protect her. So after all the buildup Monica Bellucci gets 3 minutes of screen time where she has sex thrust upon her and is rescued off screen. The “sexist” Connery years never treated women so bad!
Bond goes to the SPECTRE meeting Bellucci tells him about (probably just to get him to climb off her) and when challenged at the door, identifies himself as Mickey Mouse! Ugh!
Bond witnesses an extremely stereotypical SPECTRE meeting, complete, with I kid you not, an exact replica of Frau Farbissina from Austin Powers! Anyway the big Bro shows up and begins to speak like an effeminate New York taxi driver with a lisp, nowhere is that more conspicuous than later in the film when he utters his infamous line “Jamesss, I’m the aauthor of aall yaa paain”. Thing is, why? Waltz is Austrian, so is Oberhauser, what effect a crummy American accent? Bro looks up at Bond and intones “cuckooooo” causing Bond to run off along with whatever shred of credibility I had left for this picture!
Anyway blah, blah, blah, a car chase ensues, an obvious “wink” at DAD as a supped up Jaguar chases Bond’s supped up Aston. The chase is obviously low speed dressed as fast paced on absolutely empty streets! The great car chases are done around traffic to illustrate the speed and intensify the danger! During all this we see the controls for Bond’s “gadgets”, I kid you not it consists of four toggle switches pasted to a cheap bit of sheet metal, with those cheap 1978 plastic punch labels, a 6 year old could do better with bits from radio shack! The hilarious thing is these cheap analogue switches control a modern LCD display!
Bond gets away, calls Moneypenny who finds Mr. White from CR and QOS in 15 seconds in a remote cabin in Austria, this man was a threat to national security 2 movies ago and nobody thought about grabbing this clown in the meantime? If they had they could have saved us over an hour of non-sense. Anyway White tells Bond to find and protect his’s daughter, before killing himself. Why White does this or trusts Bond is left up in the air, but I guess who cares anyway.
Bond makes his way to the clinic where White’s daughter’s Madeline Swan works situated atop an alp for some OHMSS fan service. Blah, blah, blah, stilted dialogue, she’s kidnaped, Bond crashes a plane he pulled out of his rear, in order to chase the baddies, he and Swan get away.
Meanwhile Q has a close call on a tramway, which goes absolutely nowhere. (The scene not the tram) This murders about 3 minutes of my life, with some more OSMSS and FYEO fan service.
Next Morocco, where White had built a secret room in a hotel room! How in the hell did he pull that one off? Did management not notice that the lavatory in room 302 suddenly disappeared? We’ll never know as it’s not explained. On to the world’s most vacant train for a meal in Connery’s white dinner jacket for no other reason than for some GF fan service. As I said no one else is on this train, at least from what I can tell from the empty corridors and dining car so why bother dressing for dinner? A shaky cam fight breaks out between the only three passengers on this train Bond, Swan and Henchman Hinx in the abandoned dining car. Bam, boom, bang, fight’s over and Hinx is overboard. Bond and Swan celebrate by having rough sex back in their compartment and apparently fall in love, why because we said so.
When the train stops and the only two remaining passengers disembark at an abandoned station, a 1948 Rolls Royce, I know is a 1948 because Bond takes the time to explain that, nothing else in this movie is explained, but I know the model year of Bro’s Rolls. Any way it shows up to take them direct to Brofeld.
If the Bro-man was going to give them the red carpet treatment, complete with monologue, why send a henchman to kill them on the train? If the Hench succeeds the Bro is without an audience, if Bro doesn’t need and audience then why not just shoot them upon arrival? I guess if he did that then he couldn’t use his ridiculous remote control dentist chair in his Persian cat room! This is where Oberhauser reveals he killed his father, faked his own death and took his mother’s maiden name of Blofeld! Dun, dun, dun! The whole revelation lands with a deafening thud after 2 hours of hints delivered with head bashing subtly. He also tells Bond that he was behind Le Cheffe, Silva, and was responsible for killing the women in his life Vesper and Momma M, notice how Greene and Strawberry Fields are conspicuously absent from that list, it seems even EON has forgotten about QOS too. All this happens while drilling holes in Bond’s head without leaving any lasting effects! Bond escapes blowing up the entire lair and in the process gives Brofeld his Donald Pleasance era scar. At this point why not just have Waltz put his pinky to his mouth and demand ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Back to London, where M, Q, and MP all run to a safe house hidden in a derelict shop called Hildenbrand something or other, (literary fan service!) this proves someone at EON at least cracked a Fleming novel at one time so they should know better than to invent this ridiculous back story.
Bond goes to the old MI6 HQ which despite being slated and wired for demolition the basement is a veritable harbor of moored boats! While two simultaneous clocks count down, Bond finds the tied up Swan in old M’s old office and running out of time jumps several stories to a inexplicably placed safety net (did I mention this place was set to be demolished?) where the pair jump in to one of the many waiting boats and give chase to Brofeld as the building falls around them.
Long story short C falls to his death trying to escape M, Bond shoots down Bro’s helicopter with his PPK from his boat (if you know anything about firearms, you know how ridiculous and impossible this is) the chopper crashes and police set up crime scene tape before doing anything else! I mean the chopper is burning, Brofeld is dragging himself down the street and all the cops do is awash the avenue with crime scene tape! M approaches the crash an officer challenges him, and all M need do is tell the officer his name and his word is taken on face value! Bond confronts his Bro, decides not to kill his foe, for love or something and throws his gun away Dirty Harry style, sick of his lifestyle, and ready to abandon it for absolutely no discernable reason.
In the end after consuming all of this I’m left with one conclusion, Barbara Broccoli suffers from mental premature ejaculation. We went 3 films with little to no Bond formula, then BAM she dumps every trope ever conceived in to one film, she gets the rights to Blofeld and BAM shoe horn him in the next film as the main villain, as Bond’s brother no less!
I imagine they already had this Oberhauser story lined up before acquiring the rights to Blofeld. But there were so many better way to do this if they must have Blofeld and Bond’s Brother in this film. Blofeld could have and should have been the unseen shadowy figure from the early Connery days pulling strings and Oberhauser the number 2 if they felt compelled to go down this ridiculous familial road at all. Plus doing it this way gives Blofeld more menace, and makes reveal in the next film or one after more satisfying.
At any rate it’s what I would expect from the nu guard at EON, lots of cheap “emotional exposition”, poorly contrived stunts, and a stone faced Craig trying to act “deep”. All in all this whole travesty boils down to what someone so eloquently described in the “Craig era in two words” thread: NOT CANNON!
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
dirtybenny wrote:
The leaked script that EON claimed was an older draft… that was the entire shooting script for this movie, they didn’t change a thing!
About that. If you look at EON's words carefully, what they actually said was that the leaked documents included an early draft of the script. Which is true - I haven't read it, but I'm guessing it was the one where Blofeld is an African warlord. But they also included the shooting script. So they didn't actually lie, they merely used misleading phrasing to imply that only an early draft was leaked.
"He's the one that doesn't smile" - Queen Elizabeth II on Daniel Craig
Favorite Bond Movie: From Russia With Love,GoldenEye,The Spy Who Loved Me,Goldfinger,Dr.No
Favorite Movies: After the Sunset,The Devil Wears Prada,The Thomas Crown Affair,To Catch a Thief,Midnight in Paris,North by Northwest, Purple Noon, La piscine.
Mother's maiden name of Blodeld? Killed his father because he...it is painful to even finish that sentence.
Bond was raised by this whoever bloke? Wasn't there said in the novels he was sent to live with the aunt? I mean,EON should know this since they obviously read every novel because Craig is Fleming's Bond! Right?
"Not cannon"- INDEED. DISGRACE,MORE LIKELY.
Veronica wrote:Mother's maiden name of Blodeld? Killed his father because he...it is painful to even finish that sentence.
Bond was raised by this whoever bloke? Wasn't there said in the novels he was sent to live with the aunt? I mean,EON should know this since they obviously read every novel because Craig is Fleming's Bond! Right?
"Not cannon"- INDEED. DISGRACE,MORE LIKELY.
Yeah V, it was painful to watch, especially with the knowledge that I can never watch another Connery film the same way again! Every time I see Blofeld in a "real" Bond film all I'm going to hear is "Cuckoooo!" I knew going in what the big plot point was but to see it actually play out before my eyes, just turned my stomach!
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
Looks like your joke about a title sequence featuring a silhouette nude man dancing in the Spectre Unofficial Novelization wasn't far from the truth, Benny.
Once again, I'm baffled by how well most people are taking the matter of Blofeld being Bond's foster brother, considering the whole Austin Powers ordeal. But then, this is the era that, despite wanting to distance itself from classic Bond, continues to piggyback off the classics and throws homages to them left and right regardless if it's an anniversary or not. Recall how some fans complained about the homages in Die Another Day. I heard that Bond gets an exploding watch in Spectre, yet the new Q was poking fun at exploding pens previously in Skyfall. So much hypocrisy from the filmmakers and fans alike, it's just unbelievable.
The only action scenes from Spectre that people seem to praise the most is the pre-title opening and train fight. Most say the car chase is disappointing, and plays out more like a car advert with some jokes, with the other bits of action being nothing special. For the most costly Bond film to date, Spectre looks to be an underwhelming poorly cobbled together mess that could be as bad as Quantum Of Solace, but I'll have to eventually see it myself to compare it with Craig's other Bond films.
bjmdds wrote:DB, it sounds like you did not enjoy the film. I hope you got in for free and did not donate to Broccoli.
Oh no BJ it's my new all time favorite, BEST BOND EVA!!!!!! I saw it at a charity event, I'm sure Babzy got her cut, but none of my money went to her, at least that's what I'm telling myself.
The Saint 007 wrote:Looks like your joke about a title sequence featuring a silhouette nude man dancing in the Spectre Unofficial Novelization wasn't far from the truth, Benny.
Once again, I'm baffled by how well most people are taking the matter of Blofeld being Bond's foster brother, considering the whole Austin Powers ordeal. But then, this is the era that, despite wanting to distance itself from classic Bond, continues to piggyback off the classics and throws homages to them left and right regardless if it's an anniversary or not. Recall how some fans complained about the homages in Die Another Day. I heard that Bond gets an exploding watch in Spectre, yet the new Q was poking fun at exploding pens previously in Skyfall. So much hypocrisy from the filmmakers and fans alike, it's just unbelievable.
The only action scenes from Spectre that people seem to praise the most is the pre-title opening and train fight. Most say the car chase is disappointing, and plays out more like a car advert with some jokes, with the other bits of action being nothing special. For the most costly Bond film to date, Spectre looks to be an underwhelming poorly cobbled together mess that could be as bad as Quantum Of Solace, but I'll have to eventually see it myself to compare it with Craig's other Bond films.
Yeah Saint, that joke was strangely prophetic, ether I've got EON figured out, or it was just a natural conclusion to make.
As to BROfeld, I'm also baffled, I wonder if the leaks may have helped EON by softening the blow of such a daft revelation, Also perhaps it didn't sink in as the whole movie came off like a timid child visiting a swimming pool for the first time, afraid to dive in they just cautiously dip their toe in the water and end up only ankle deep, instead of diving in and doing laps as a company who has done nothing but make Bond films for 50 years should. They didn't want to be "too funny", or "too serious" and so they were neither. Or maybe people just don't care about continuity or Fleming's vision anymore.
The whole thing with BROfeld is, his familial connection adds no drama to the plot, there is no emotional exposition, Blofeld becomes Brofeld for no real reason, just to add superficial "depth" and to concoct a lazy way to tie the previous 3 films together.
The story is so ludicrous, Bro simply states Bond lived with them for 2 winters (yes little more than a year) and over that time Oberhauser Sr. taught Bond how to ski, hike, and hunt, Sr. told Jr. to look at Bond as a brother and so due to this horrific turn of events Bro's only recourse was to kill his own father fake his death and create a world wide crime syndicate (2 if you count Quantum) in order to torment his foster brother whom he knew would become an MI6 agent somehow I guess.
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
Favorite Bond Movie: From Russia With Love,GoldenEye,The Spy Who Loved Me,Goldfinger,Dr.No
Favorite Movies: After the Sunset,The Devil Wears Prada,The Thomas Crown Affair,To Catch a Thief,Midnight in Paris,North by Northwest, Purple Noon, La piscine.
I am simply dying on this last paragraph,both out of laughter and shame seeing what this franchise has turned into. Forget Austin Powers this is a real parody.
A quick question for all my regular readers, I have several rant subjects brewing in my head, but I don't know if I did SP justice with my one rant. The question is, would you all rather I dissect Spectre in to several rants, or are you all ready to just move on and put this nightmare to bed? I'm not funny about it ether way.
The Rouge Warrior, On Hermaphrodite's Secret Service
dirtybenny wrote:A quick question for all my regular readers, I have several rant subjects brewing in my head, but I don't know if I did SP justice with my one rant. The question is, would you all rather I dissect Spectre in to several rants, or are you all ready to just move on and put this nightmare to bed? I'm not funny about it ether way.
I love your rants, so the more the merrier, I say.
"He's the one that doesn't smile" - Queen Elizabeth II on Daniel Craig
going to put it in the middle of the film. Whatever tedious story they've come up this time, will stop for a sped up, shoddily rendered CGI gunbarrel. With blood that looks like someone squirted tomato ketchup on the camera lens.
.
I saw it at a charity event, I'm sure Babzy got her cut, but none of my money went to her, at least that's what I'm telling myself.