Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

General Bond discussion from Sean Connery to Pierce Brosnan

Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Fri Apr 12, 2019 6:59 pm

Connery and Craig A Tale of Two Uncouth Actors


Previously I wrote about two different love scenes, one from Goldfinger and the other from SPECTRE. I thought this time I would take a look at the two actors in those scenes, because on the surface they appear quite similar.

They both came from humble roots, Connery from the rough and tumble streets of Edinburgh, Scotland and Craig claims the hard scrabble streets of Liverpool, England as the setting for his impressionable years (the truth to that claim is disputable).

Both men served in the British Merchant Navy and both took various menial jobs early on. Connery delivered milk and polished coffins, whereas Craig ever one to be unoriginal, waited tables between acting gigs.

Connery’s breakout role was in Darby O’gill and the Little People, a fantasy film about a grizzled old man’s misadventures with leprechauns. Craig broke out in Layer Cake, a disjointed fever dream of a film about a grizzled drug dealer who is a leprechaun.

Both men have a history of bodybuilding. Connery parleyed his physical fitness into a third place finish in the Mr. Universe competition and further into getting himself cast as Bond. Craig presumably with the help of Sylvester Stallone’s chemist, pumped himself full of muscles once he was hired as Bond.

All kidding aside, Connery is renowned as a salt of the earth sort of fellow and Craig has dropped more F-bombs than the Royal Air Force in the entirety of World War 2. The difference is in how these two men harnessed their uncouthness into each’s portrayal of Bond and it all comes down to direction.

Connery had the benefit of being taken under the wing of Terence Young, who was an actual gentlemanly rogue. He took Connery to his own tailor, his own shirt maker (Anthony Sinclair, Turnbull and Asser respectively two brands which have become inextricably intertwined with Bond) and most importantly showed Connery how to behave like a proper gentleman. Young famously went so far as to have Connery sleep in his suits so as to grow comfortable in them. Connery’s natural roughness coupled with Young’s genteel tutelage combined to create the perfect cinematic interpretation of Fleming’s creation. With the Connery/Young Bond you get a sense of a hardened, tough individual under a refined, polished gentlemanly veneer, because that was precisely what he was.

Looking at Craig one has to wonder what if any direction he was given. It would seem as if he was only told in the pre-production of Casino Royale, “look pissed off and snarl your lines” and he’s done so ever since. Craig’s first Bond director was Martin Campbell who had launched Brosnan’s Bond career. Whereas Pierce didn’t need much direction in suave, making Campbell’s job simple in that regard, Craig should have had a team of tutors. In Craig’s debut as the world famous gentleman spy, he was coached on all the spy traits such as, how to grow his physique, how to properly perform his stunts and how to smash through a wall with the greatest of ease. However, no one paused a moment to consider the gentleman aspect. Craig waddles around like a boy in his father’s suit snapping his lines one minute and mumbling the next, he comes off less dangerous gentleman and more fragranced gym rat, hardly the attributes Fleming assigned his famous aristocratic secret agent.

It’s ironic as Craig in reality comes from much less humble beginnings than Connery, despite the appearances he claims. Craig was born in Chester a small town in the northwest of England to an art teacher mother and a father who was a landlord to two pubs. Hardly humble beginnings, yet he maintains he’s from the mean streets of London’s east end because he attended drama school in that city. In reality Craig is a middle class drama nerd playing hard at rough and sophisticated while failing at both. On the other hand Connery was really a man of the streets who was taught to be a gentleman and Bond succeeded because of it.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Veronica » Sat Apr 13, 2019 12:05 pm

The difference is Connery looks are primarily what I would call manly while Craig looks just unrefined.I could imagine him starting fights in pubs after he has one too many. Think of Eggsy's stepfather in Kingsman... That's who Craig reminds me of.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Mon Apr 15, 2019 3:05 pm

A Horse by Committee


The old saying goes, a camel is a horse designed by committee. Another saying is, too many cooks spoil the broth; well it seems EON has brought in another cook to work on the chaos soup that is Bond 25.

That chef’s name is Phoebe Waller-Bridge; apparently Ms. Bridge was brought in at Craig’s insistence. Her claims to fame are two television programs, one called Fleabag a comedy wherein Ms. Bridge writes, produces and stars as the titular Fleabag, described as an “angry, confused and sex addicted young woman living in London,” so a real laugh a minute show. I haven’t seen or even heard of the program until the news hit she was brought in to work on Bond, so I can’t comment on the quality of the product, but on the face of it I don’t see how working on a program of this type qualifies one to write on Bond.

Ms. Bridge’s other credit is writing and producing a program called Killing Eve. It’s much more in line with Bond, in that it deals with espionage. It follows the exploits of a MI6 officer tracking down a sociopathic Russian assassin. Again, I haven’t watched this program ether, because if I wanted to see a fictionalized account of a mentally disturbed Russian agent getting hounded by equally troubled individuals, I’d watch the news outlets dissect Donald Trump’s latest disjointed tweet.

So, since I’m admittedly not familiar with Ms. Bridge’s work, I’m not going to comment on whether or not she’s a good addition. I will say it does not bode well that yet another writer is being brought aboard this late in the production. Remember Scott Z. Burns was just hired to overhaul the script a mere two months ago. That same script was started by Purvis and Wade, while also reportedly getting helped along by Paul Haggis. Not to mention how much if any of John Hodge’s treatment survived after he and Danny Boyle kicked rocks out of the halls of EON.

That’s the collective works of at least four, five, maybe six writers (seven if you count Boyle) slapped together over the course of a year. We’re back to that camel I mentioned at the start, a lot of ideas thrown at the wall and god knows what’s stuck. With only a year to go until the film’s scheduled release, time is running out to winnow the wheat from the chaff. I have a feeling this film will be the photo negative of Quantum of Solace, that film was a jumbled mess because it had no writers (due to a strike) and this one will be a mess for exactly the opposite reason.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Kristatos » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:23 pm

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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:07 am

Martin, Aston Martin

It was announced not too long ago Bond 25 will feature an electric Aston Martin sedan in the film. I’m glad they got that out of the way, it’s not like they have more pressing matters to contend with like story or script or casting or a title or... I mean one must have their priorities!

When the news hit a short discussion ensued on the forum concerning the quality of Aston’s product compared to other such vehicles. During this short exchange, one of the debaters intoned the brand was more appropriate for bond, but is it?

Bond and Aston have been ingrained into the zeitgeist of pop culture for decades, one can’t think of an Aston without immediately thinking of Bond. So I guess case closed, let’s move on then. However, looking closely until recently Bond drove a total of three Astons four different times, not counting the DB5 cameos during Brosnan’s reign designed to distract from BMW’s sponsorship.

Bond memorably drove a DB5 in Goldfinger and Thunderball, a DBS not so memorably in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and a Vantage/Volante (hardtop/convertible models) to good effect in The Living Daylights. However, he also drove a Lotus in two films, so why hasn’t that brand taken on as much of an association? Then there’s the literary Bond, who famously favored Bentleys, only driving an Aston once, in the novel Goldfinger. Ironically he chose it from the MI6 motor pool because it best fit his cover as a roguish playboy of questionable means! Other than Sir Hillary Bray, when has his cover not fit that description?

The funny thing is, in 1964, Aston initially balked at loaning EON two of their sports cars for the production. It was Cubby Broccoli’s instance on adaptation accuracy that ensured Aston’s place in cinematic history. He insisted on getting an Aston for the film come hell or high water and it was the best bit of free advertising anyone could hope for, paying dividends for thirty years. In reality I think Aston could have left it at that and still have had the same level of brand recognition with Bond.

So why has Aston become so entwined with Bond? As I said earlier Bond drove the Lotus twice and the Lotus’ appearance in The Spy Who Loved Me was every bit as memorable as the DB5. I think it comes down to nothing more superficial than appearance. The DB5 is the most beautiful of all the Astons ever made, which puts it high in the running for most beautiful car of all time. The Lotus on the other hand has the styling that permeated all performance cars of the mid to late 70’s which is to say it strongly resembles a wedge of cheddar on wheels.

Now here we are 50 years later and Aston has taken a page from Omega watches™ by inserting their special edition high priced toys for boys into each and every film since Die Another Day. All for fanbois of means to drool over and throw a quarter million dollars at a dealer so that they too can tool about in an automobile similar to the one that shared 30 seconds of screen time with the reining Bond actor.

Back to the question at hand is Aston more “appropriate” for Bond? Certainly not for Fleming’s Bond who only drove one once, and while Fleming was brand conscious he also paired Bond with items that he felt were best of their breed. Would that be a first generation electric Aston, which is sure to have teething issues, or a more established E-car such as that “positively shocking” Silicon Valley based brand beginning with the letter T?

I suppose ether way it doesn’t really matter as this plug in sedan will get two minutes of forgettable screen time, before being forgotten and relegated to the collections of those well-heeled groupies, who will sit in them while wearing their officially licensed little blue shorts from Casino Royale, cardigan sweaters from Quantum of Solace and most importantly various Omega watches™ emblazoned with 007s and EON’s gun barrel logo.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Kristatos » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:11 am

I suspect the fact that Aston Martin is still in business while Lotus isn't probably has something to do with it.

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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:25 am

Kristatos wrote:I suspect the fact that Aston Martin is still in business while Lotus isn't probably has something to do with it.

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Lotus is very much alive and well!

https://www.lotuscars.com/
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Kristatos » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:33 am

It is? I thought they went bust years ago.

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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:42 am

Kristatos wrote:It is? I thought they went bust years ago.

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They've been thin and flush over the years but they never left us. Ironically it was their Elise model that the first Teslas were based on.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Fri Apr 26, 2019 3:08 am

SHATTERCLIPSE: Apropos of Nothing


Dateline, April 25, 2019, this just in from the press conference for Bond 25, nothing is happening! Yes you read that right EON’s coterie of stooges held a press conference to tell us absolutely nothing! As you recall the production company’s name EON is an acronym for Everything Or Nothing, it seems they’re concentrating on the nothing aspect

You notice I’m still calling it “Bond 25” because they couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a title before rushing to waste 20 minutes of our lives!

The video starts with an awkward minute 45 seconds of black screen with a gun barrel logo on it. Another minute 45 spent on intro and hostess’s greeting. We open on a larger table set up on a veranda at Goldeneye, the famed Jamaican home of Ian Fleming, with director Cary Fukunaga, the iron lady herself Babz Broccoli and her withered half-brother Michael G. Wilson fresh from the Alzheimer clinic, where he now resides.

The trio spends four minutes talking but saying nothing, at least nothing we didn’t already know! Through the poor audio one can barely make out Babz and her lackey MGW butcher the history of Fleming’s writing when they claim he started “57 years ago.” No Babz your father started making Bond films 57 years ago in 1962. Fleming began writing in 1952, 67 years ago. You may call me pedantic for that, but come on, Babz and her bro hold themselves up as the keepers of the Bond flame and yet can’t get a simple detail right in their own scripted presser!

MGW proceeds to lie through his teeth claiming Craig reads Fleming’s novels “from time to time for inspiration,” inspiration of what I surely don’t know, remember this is the man who thinks Bond is some sort of antihero. Old man Wilson also claims they stay “very true to the character (of Bond)”, laughable! MGW claims this to be part of the series endurance, If they stay so true to the character then why such a hard shift to Craig from Brosnan and all those before? They all can’t be true when they’re all so different!

Through the hail of self-congratulation and onanism we are told the official writers are Purvis and Wade, Scott Burns and Phoebe Waller-Bridge, all of which we already knew. Babz also gives us a run-down of the “plot,” I use quotes here because as we know the script is still being written as we speak.

Apparently we’ll find: “Bond has left active service and is enjoying a tranquil life in Jamaica. His peace is short-lived when his old friend Felix Leiter from the CIA turns up asking for help. The mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist turns out to be far more treacherous than expected, leading Bond onto the trail of a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology.”

Brushing aside how bizarre this outline is to another time, it seems Pervis and Wade have managed for a sixth time to have Bond working outside the realm of his employment, because heaven forbid James Bond world famous master spy actually function as a spy in an official capacity!

Babz is asked about the title, she answers there is none yet, prompting the amnesic MGW to intone “I can’t remember the last time we had a title when we announced the beginning of the film. It’s a tradition now.” That’s funny because I can, that would be wayyyyyyyy back in 2014 when you announced the start of principle photography for SPECTRE in a useless spectacle very much like this one. Also the film before that and before that, it was a tradition then. So less than a year from release, we’re having a press conference on the film and no title? What happened, were you too indignant over the fact the fans figured out your magnificent title, as well as the less glorious backup before this little soiree so you’re changing it?

Locations will be Norway, which we knew, Jamaica which we suspected and some town in Italy which will probably play such a small role we won’t care. Another minute is wasted with the hostess showing some footage of previous Bond locations in Jamaica as if we’ve all contracted the disease of forgetfulness plaguing MGW.

Upon returning the cast is “confirmed,” again I quote because we all knew who was coming back months ago. It’s the usual characters from Skyfall on plus Jeffery Wright as Leiter. Rami Malek fresh off his Oscar win and therefor collecting a huge paycheck will be playing the as yet unnamed villain. Unnamed probably because the genius scribes concocting this masterpiece haven’t come up with one yet, that or he’s playing Blofeld. Rounding out this cast of world renowned actors are such house hold names as: Dali Benssalah, Ana De Armas, Laschana Lynch, David Dencik, and Billy Magnussen.

Two and a half minutes are thrown away showing the low lights of Craig’s Bond career before joining the lethargic cast sitting languidly in a semicircle. Rami Malek who wasn’t there, sent a prerecorded message in which he says nothing, because there is nothing to say, because nothing is happening on this doomed production.

Craig, who couldn’t be bothered to put on a proper pair of shoes and looking as if he’d rather slash his wrists than be there, is asked a question, supposedly sent in moments ago by a viewer. The fact this question and the others which are supposedly oh so hot of the Twittersphere, are written on a note card the hostess is already holding gives me pause as to this claim.

The question, in question asked by a “Brian from the U.S.,” “How do you think the appeal of James Bond has lasted through the 25 movies?” First of all “Brian” if that is your real name, if you have to ask, what are you doing here? Second why are you asking a man whom has himself stated he is only there for the money? Craig answers by sputtering on for 50 seconds about consistency and how the films were events, he says during his tenure they “tried to continue that tradition while standing out as different than the other movies out there.” Which of course is why and Mendes confirmed this in his two pressers for his films, they copied other films such as The Dark Knight, Bourne, etc. as well as all the misfired winks, nods and homages to previous Bond films. Craig also mumbles something about Fleming and Connery before the hostess mercifully cuts him off.

“Steve from Facebook” asks Naomi Harris how she felt when she was first cast in a Bond movie? A timely question by old “Steve” there, considering she was cast nearly 8 years ago and is now working on her third film, well will be, whenever they get the bloody thing written. If you care to know her answer I suggest you do what our friend “Steve” should have done and Google it.

“Corneal from the Netherlands” asked “Which cast member was the most excited to be in Bond 25?” Well Corny old boy, I can certainly tell you which one is the least! The member, who answers Lea Seydoux, is a close second, as judged by her lackluster and unenthusiastic response.

“Steve” again asks a question this one to Miss Harris, “In what way will Moneypenny’s role be different than the previous films and will you be back in the office or out in the field?” A rather odd question at least it’s odd in the way it’s asked. Harris’ Moneypenny was vastly different to the previous interpretations in that she was in the field at all, then she took up a more traditional role working for M. So ether way she goes, it won’t be any different to her previous films. It’s all moot any way as Harris gives a quick “I can’t say” which is true, mostly because it hasn’t been written yet.

Ana De Armas is asked directly by the hostess rather than “Steve” or “Corneal,” what has she done to prepare for her role? Ana flatly answers she hasn’t started to prepare yet, looking to the director she says “I don’t know how that’s gonna go, Cary any suggestion?” Fukunaga responds, “We’ll have to play it by ear.” I suppose her nervous response is due to the fact there is nothing to prepare for. One could also read something more disturbing into this response when we remember the rumor Craig requires certain accommodations from his female costars.

“Ryan on Instagram” asks the director what he brings to the table? Fukunaga stalls asking the hostess to repeat the questioner’s unimportant name, then toes the company line stating Craig is his favorite Bond, calling in to question his qualifications altogether and further states he wants to give him a proper send off.

A different “Daniel” asks Daniel Craig what his favorite gadget or car is, since Dan scoffed at gadgets in his films, that narrows it down to cars. Danny so nonplussed he couldn’t bother to hold the microphone to his mouth answers the Aston Martin DB5, further stating if he could afford it he’d buy one. I don’t know Dan maybe use some of the pocket change that fell down the sofa cushions after your galactic payday which enticed you to return for this travesty in the making.

That brought the seven minutes of stilted Q and A to a close along with the entire conference, ending with ten seconds of stop motion photography showing the construction of the hut 007 will supposedly be retiring in with his girl Friday.

So EON spent what I can only assume to be a tidy sum to film eleven actual minutes of nothing, nothing we didn’t already know and to release it on the same day Avengers: End Game tickets went on sale speaks to the lunacy that’s going on in the halls of EON.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Veronica » Fri Apr 26, 2019 9:32 am

Wait, wait, wait... A kidnapped scientist? That sounds awfully like Kingsman. Not to mention Jack Davenport was far more Bond-like in that one particular scene than Craig in his four movies all together.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun May 05, 2019 5:19 pm

Pictures will be added to the final product, but as always I want to get first impressions from my respected friends here on the forum.


The Plot Thickens?



Daniel Craig appearing in EON’s bizarre suicide prevention/pharmaceutical advert promotional campaign.



This is the official synopsis of the forthcoming Bond 25:

“Bond has left active service and is enjoying a tranquil life in Jamaica. His peace is short-lived when his old friend Felix Leiter from the CIA turns up asking for help. The mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist turns out to be far more treacherous than expected, leading Bond onto the trail of a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology.”

Unfortunately is seems our old friends Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (P&W) the dynamic duo who’ve had a hand in every Bond film since The World Is Not Enough (TWINE) are at it again, placing Bond on the outside looking in. Yes, starting with TWINE, P&W have placed Bond outside the realm of his occupation, whether through injury, capture, suspension, vengeance, desertion or acting on unsanctioned orders from his previous supervisor, Bond has operated as a rogue warrior in one way or another since these two have become entwined with the series.

Early on in my rantings and ramblings I did a rather admittedly amateurish (as opposed to what I do now?) outline of these two. Wherein I accuse them of unoriginality by using the same framework for all their films, considering the fact these two have only written 6 non EON projects in nearly 30 years, the largest of which was Johnny English, I can’t be far wrong. Bond is never going to move beyond stagnation until these two crumbs finally get swept off the table at EON. The story is the most important part of any film and EON invests the least amount into it. Yet they don’t bat an eye at shelling out millions to auteur directors and bored, disenfranchised actors who’d rather be anywhere else. EON needs to ditch these two and inject fresh new blood into the franchise whether it is in the form of competent proven authors with a track record for compelling action/adventure films, or audition young up and comers to see what fresh ideas they can bring, anything’s got to be better than this status quo!

It’s funny these two have decided the machinations of Craig’s outsidership this time around would be retirement. Craig, who looked old beyond his years when cast, looks every bit the average pensioner today at 51. He was already too creaky and withered by his third movie Skyfall to pull off the “young amateur agent” he was supposed to be portraying the two films/one mission previous. Also consider, if and when he does finally stop torturing us with his version of “Bond” he will effectively be retired from film due to his lack of roles. It seems old Danny boy has made himself insufferable in Hollywood, the roles which initially came pouring in once he was inexplicably miscast as Bond, have all but dried up due to his noxious behavior on set and more damning to the production bean counters, the fact he’s box office poison.

So, a sad film for the miserable actor starring in it, Craig should have been given the boot right after SPECTRE, especially after his infamous “slash my wrists…just for the money” comments. Add to that the swirl of excitement surrounding all the speculation as to who would be replacing the dower thespian and you have to wonder why the powers that be at EON bothered to throw the mountains of cash they surely showered on the beatified actor to return to the role he so truly despises?!




So Craig will be bumming around a beachfront resort town wearing a black shirt (very smart in the sweltering Caribbean) and some acid washed “dad jeans” whilst driving a rundown SUV, very much like the beginning of the second Bourn film. When a ghost from his past appears, to tear his new found tranquility apart… like the start of the second Bourne film. However this is a friendly ghost in the form of Felix Leiter asking him to help on a job. “Just when I think I’m out they pull me back in.” A tired trope to be sure and one it seems EON is unafraid to dig up and resurrect for this intellectually bankrupt film.

Judging by the preproduction work, I’m sure we’ll be treated to the tortured flashbacks of Lea Seydoux’s Madeline Swann, such as the time she killed her father’s attackers as alluded to in SPECTRE… just as in the beginning of the second Bourne film. For those of you who forgot, or mercifully didn’t see, Miss Swann killed some men who came to murder her father, in a story which I have neglected to point out previously, is eerily familiar to the one told by Olga Kurylenko’s Camille Montes in the oft overlooked Quantum of Solace.

As stated above, Craig will be trying to rescue a captured scientist, another well worn, threadbare trope EON reanimates like Dr. Frankenstein. But all is not as it appears which judging from all of P&W’s previous Bond works will take the form of a double agent.

Earlier rumors about the script hinted at a female understudy for Bond, not unlike the character “Rey” from the latest Star Wars films. This character, let’s for the sake of brevity call her Rey will most likely be played by Lashana Lynch. I say that because, while I personally find Miss Lynch to be a lovely and attractive woman, she doesn’t fit the EON architype of the romantic partner for Bond. At least not the current version of EON, while Cubby and/or Saltzman had no problem casting women who didn’t fit the thin Nordic category (Grace Jones anybody), it seems Craig’s Bond only has eyes for Arian anorexics. So one can assume Miss Lynch will be playing a capable, overly efficient, slightly masculine junior agent and nothing more.

At some point ether early on or a bit later Madeline Swann will be killed off. I’m assuming early, perhaps so Craig who may initially rebuff Leiter can return to the fold to enact some sweet, sweet revenge for her death. Further evidence to this comes in the form of Bond’s house being a small, special made set for the picture rather than an existing edifice already in existence and conscripted for the film. I imagine it will be blown up or otherwise destroyed before the opening credits roll.

Since Craig will be all mopey and depressed (for a change) he won’t be in the mood for love we can assume. So I’m guessing Miss Ana De Armas will be the villain’s moll, the left over Irma Bunt character from the leaked SPECTRE script maybe?

Rami Malek playing the “Mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology” will, I can only assume, be very much like Jessie Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, a Mark Zuckerberg type entity or similar to the techno dupe portrayed in the fifth and most recent Bourne film. As to the “dangerous technology” I’m guessing it will be some form or another of impossible internet software which will spy on or otherwise harm the user… like in SPECTRE… or the first Kingsman.

Any way you slice it this will be a very predictable lame duck film for its lame duck star to (hopeful) bow out on!
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Tue May 07, 2019 4:43 am

For those who are interested posted latest rant with artwork

http://danielcraigisnotbond.com/index/b ... -thickens/
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun May 12, 2019 6:10 pm

Bohemian Travesty


In the recent press junket (emphasis junk) the cast for the as yet unnamed Bond 25 was confirmed. I wonder why not just stick with “Bond 25” as the title? It has just as much creativity in it as the rest of the film, but I digress. The biggest news in that presser was the confirmation of the worst kept secret in EON history since Christoph Waltz was cast as Blofeld. That would be the addition of Rami Malek to the cast of our new favorite cinematic disaster.

Mr. Malek is the most recent in a string of Oscar winners to play the villain in a Bond film. Rami has had a sudden and meteoric rise lately going from basic cable television rounder to Hollywood powerhouse due to his lead role in the biopic of Queen front man Freddie Mercury. In fact negotiations were held up until after the Oscar awards to see if he walked away with the statue. It seems the golden naked little man is a prerequisite to chew scenery in an EON film these days. I can’t help but wonder if EON would have withdrew any offer that may have been on the table had he lost.

The Oscars in my opinion have become a bloated, over rated mess anyway, if there ever was a time such wasn’t the case. Really, ask yourself what was the last best picture winner where you sat back and said “Yes, they got it right on the nose with that one!” Certainly not one in the last quarter century, but again I digress.

Mr. Malek seems an affable fellow and since I’m not familiar with his work, due to the fact I’m not a huge Queen fan, nor a purveyor of basic cable, I won’t comment on the quality of his craft. However going by the track record of EON’s previous statuette awardees it does not bode well.

Previously Christoph Waltz giggled, cackled and cuckooed his way through SPECTRE, when he wasn’t slagging off the series as nothing more than “Punch and Judy shows.” I suppose in his mind we should be grateful for the fact such a great thespian as he, lowered himself to cash EON’s check and phone in a performance far greater than such drivel deserves (although considering the script, maybe he was right). At any rate all that money spent on an Oscar caliber artiste was wasted when he gave a performance that would have made Cobra Commander of the GIJOE cartoon series cringe with embarrassment.

Before Waltz we were graced with his lordship Javier Bardem, another acting trophy beneficiary, who did us all a favor by incorporating every offensive male hairdresser stereotype into one character and then mincing that creation across our screens for 90 minutes. Hardly money well spent, but I suppose because he did well when he was starving and more eager to prove himself, we’re supposed to look past this.

Enter Hallie Berry who adorned our Bond screens fresh of her award for best performance in a softcore porn. Whoops, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I was mistaken, apparently Monster’s Ball is considered a legitimate film, an honest mistake. Constrained by the fact her clothes, as tight and skimpy as they were, had to stay on, Miss Berry gave a rather lackluster performance. However considering she had to utter such lines as “Your Mama” and “Read this…Bitch” who can blame her.

Earlier than all these though was the granddaddy of them all, the one, the only, Mr. Christopher Walken! The great white shark of scenery chewing, a man who makes velociraptors appear toothless by comparison. The difference being in Walken you know what you’re getting. He’s made a career out of unhinged, deranged diatribes, which make him perfect for the megalomaniac sociopaths Bond films are famous for. Unlike Waltz tittering in his sockless loafers or Bardem camping it up more than a park ranger, Walken actually gave a Walken caliber performance. For better or worse you got what you paid for in him.

As for Mr. Malek, I hope he does better than his recent predecessors. Not for EON’s sake, but his own. As I said he seems an affable fellow and I’d hate for his career momentum to come to a crashing halt because he put some misguided trust in Babz and her motley crew of hacks. One thing Rami has going for him, he’s not a pretentious self-absorbed egomaniac, at least not yet, and film acting has a way of doing that to you. He hasn’t built up the catalog of masturbatory, self-congratulatory accolades that makes one better than the roles they’re offered. This means he’ll still be hungry enough to put in an effort on such a “lowly” project as a Bond film, unlike the two prior villains who thought mugging at a camera and cashing the check would be more than enough to satiate the rubes who tune in to such tripe as James Bond.

Let’s step back and look at the two Craig villains played by men who didn’t win golden accolades from a bankrupt academy, Mads Mikkelsen and Mathieu Amalric. These two C level actors thanked their lucky stars to have been cast in such high visibility projects as Bond films and for better or worse threw themselves into the roles. Mikkelsen by far has given the best performance in a Craig film. His Le Chiffre is the most subdued and polished baddie of the four, quietly in control with a simmering fury bubbling underneath. Amalric on the other hand is far less restrained in his portrayal, but at least you can tell he’s trying. Look at all the effort he put into character development with is costar, as pointed out a few rants ago:

“Amalric and Taubman improvised a backstory for Elvis: he is Dominic's cousin and once lived on the streets before being inducted into Quantum.”

It was pointless, but at least he took the film, bad as it was, seriously!

As I say earlier, the two recent Oscar winners just cackle and coo because that’s all the films are worth to them, a junk series to which they are doing a favor in exchange for hefty paydays. I hope against hope EON will make a course correction returning to talented but lesser known journeymen actors, directors and writers who will see the project as a chance to show what they can do on a grand scale and out of gratitude for the opportunities afforded them pour their hearts and souls into the films. However in reality we’ll just get more halfhearted kitsch from disinterested figurine recipients delving into camp, for that’s all it’s worth to them.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Omega » Mon May 13, 2019 10:38 am

DB is on fire!!!


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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Veronica » Mon May 13, 2019 5:07 pm

IMO Malek was one of the weakest winners in the last 10 or so years.I felt his potrayal was more of a miss than a hit but I am sure that's not his fault only. I think the concept of how they should potray this great music icon was wrong from the start. As Malek said in his speech they made a story about a gay man and an immigrant which reveals what really was important to those Hollywood PC minds. They made a story about Freddie "a gay man and an immigrant", not a story of Freddie "a music icon". And therein lies a fatal flaw of the whole thing.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Kristatos » Mon May 13, 2019 5:58 pm

Bohemian Rhapsody wasn't a very good film, but I thought Malek was excellent in it, as he was in Mr Robot. I confidently predict that he will be the best thing in The Bond Film That Goes Wrong, though that may be damning with faint praise. As DB says, I hope it doesn't damage his career; he's a very good actor who appears to actually be enthusiastic about playing a Bond villain.
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun May 19, 2019 7:02 pm

New rant is a visual picture show so I'll just post a link to it.

http://danielcraigisnotbond.com/index/b ... d-nauseum/
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby dirtybenny » Sun May 26, 2019 5:28 am

Break A Leg

May 15, 2019, a profound historic event was reported on all the major news wires, namely that Daniel Craig fell down and went boom. Thankfully it appears Dan wasn’t badly injured, depending on who you ask, he’ll be returning after a one to two week recovery, so I can joke, but it serves as an apt metaphor for the production at large. This film starts running down the set when suddenly the rug gets pulled out from under it.

Apparently, according to a source who spoke anonymously;

“(Craig) was sprinting during filming when he slipped and fell quite awkwardly. He was in quite a lot of pain and was complaining about his ankle. As you'd expect he was also pretty angry that it had happened. He threw his suit jacket on the ground in sheer frustration.”

That was taken from the Daily Mail the only one I can find still quoting the bit about the suit jacket, more on that in a minute. Call me cynical and suspicious, but I have to wonder about the veracity of the injury. Now Craig is known to be accident prone not to mention the fact he’s at the age one needs to start worrying about osteoporosis, so all that may be true. However here is why I’m a bit suspect, first Tom Cruise suffered a similar injury in his latest film of the Bond competitor Mission Impossible series. Next we must remember Craig’s propensity to rely on stuntmen fitted out in rubber masks bearing his likeness, so it’s hard to believe he was taking any unnecessary risks, unless he really did bang himself up while running in a straight line. Despite the well documented use of craggy masks on the last picture many publications are trying to paint Craig as a livewire who performs all his own stunts, again like Cruise.

Finally, we come back to the jacket comment. Craig supposedly injured himself in Jamaica where he would have no call to be wearing one. None of the behind the scenes spy shots show Craig wearing a jacket of any kind, suit or otherwise for him to have on in order to “throw on the ground in frustration.” Yes that could be a mistake on the part of “the source,” but all that coupled with the shifting recovery time and I can’t help but wonder if this is some sort of publicity stunt. An effort to draw some sort of comparison between the craggy one and the infinitely more popular (and crazy) Cruise, especially when you consider the lukewarm reception this fiasco of a film is receiving.

In more important news from the set, EON has hired an “intimacy coach” to help Craig and Ana De Armas navigate their sure to be awkward love scenes. More news worthy than Dan’s inability to convey romance is the fact this confirms, as if there were any doubt, Seydoux’s Swann will be dead before the opening credits. He can’t be making love to De Armas’ as yet unnamed character if the center of his universe is waiting in the next room to ask more questions for her monotonous psychological questionnaire.

Supposedly the coach is there as a part of some progressive claptrap to put the actors at ease, from the Sun:

“An intimacy coordinator is now on set during those scenes and is working with Daniel Craig and new Bond girl Ana De Armas to run through the script and make sure they feel comfortable. It’s really progressive and is a step in the right direction – not just for Bond but the industry as a whole.”

Ironically the Sun article I found this on had several nude photos of Miss De Armas. As well as a copious amount of photos featuring her in various states of skimpy dress which she posted online herself! So obviously someone who is uncomfortable with the prospect of the PG rated exposure seen in Bond films!

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/9 ... -de-armas/

It seems the “intimacy coach” would be better used on Craig and his director Cary Funkunaga. Apparently there was trouble in paradise between the two on set, giving another possible explanation to the origin of Craig’s injury.



I wonder if Danny is still Cary Funknwagnel’s “favorite Bond” after putting up with his notoriously difficult demeanor on set.

Also questions have been swirling as to whether or not Craig is done after this film. The controversy comes from comments made by Naomi Harris who spoke on the subject, quoted from the Express:
https://www.express.co.uk/entertainment ... ny-Bond-26
“Speaking with The Independent, she said: “Daniel has never said that [Bond 25 is his last film], so we don’t know.”
“Genuinely I think he doesn’t know. Nobody does.”

As the Express points out further down in the article, Craig has absolutely stated on several recent occasions this is indeed his last one. However I would not be surprised if he did come back, after all he’s got nothing else going for him. Nowhere else is he going to get the paydays he’s collecting from EON. So if Babz is willing to hand over each and every concession Craig asks for and there’s no reason to believe she wouldn’t given how smitten she is with him, he’ll stick around phoning it in both collect and long distance for some time to come.

Harris continues, “It depends on this film and if people turn out and are like, ‘We want Daniel’ – which I think they will – then he may well be back for another one.”

I don’t think he’ll have that problem, people are already turning out like, “We’re tired of Daniel and don’t want him for this one let alone another.” The hot air is out of the Daniel Craig balloon.

In news of other franchises, John Wick 4 has just been green lit with a projected release date of 2021, that's two years from now! EON used to know how to put out films in that time frame, until they got so far up their own backsides with "art" or whatever they believe passes for it. Look, I know Wick films are more about violent ballet than great story, but can you point to a Bond film in the last 20 years with a better story than any of the 3 Wick films? Certainly none of those films have been any more entertaining to the action oriented audience. I'm not advocating Bond go in the Wick direction and start making “gun porn,” but if they don't get their act together soon they'll be overtaken by all the up and coming series flying up from behind them, if they haven't already. I've said it before, I'll say it again, EON does one thing make Bond films. Yes, I know they made that one movie "Film Stars Don't Die In Liverpool." Shortened from "Cinema Actors Whom Receive Top Billing Do Not Expire In A Northwestern English City Primarily Known As The Birthplace Of The Rock And Roll Band Called The Beatles." They are also supposedly working on another film called the "Rhythm Section" as to if, or even when it will actually be released nobody knows or really cares. The point is no one cares about EON's other projects, they only exist because of Bond, if they want to try their hand elsewhere fine, but take care of where your bread is buttered. Stop slapping together a load of garbage last minute expecting the unwashed masses to swallow it wholesale. Unlike Wick 2,3 and 4 you knew you were making another picture the second the last wrapped, why not get to work on it right away and do it right? Yet here they are four and a half years later and they’re writing the script as they shoot, hell they haven’t even got a title for the d**n thing yet!
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Re: Dirty Benny's Weekly Rant

Postby Kristatos » Sun May 26, 2019 7:56 am

The print edition of the Mail devoted a 2-page spread to this yesterday.

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