Spoof.com Daniel Craig Voted Worst James Bond of All Times

[Goldeneye]

The last one didn't work out too badly so lets try another lighthearted satire post
The Spoof . Com

Written by Jalapenoman
29 October 2008
Daniel Craig Voted Worst James Bond of All Times

Daniel Craig, the new James Bond actor who is loved and worshiped by all movie fans under the age of 16, was recently voted the worst James Bond by the vast majority of people in the English speaking world over the age of 25 (to include those under the age of 25 with IQs over 86).

Sean Connery, the actor who portrayed Bond in the first feature length film, Dr. No, was the overwhelming favorite in the role.

Others who have played the character include Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, George Lazenby, and Timothy Dalton.

Before Craig assumed the part, Lazenby had been universally hated as the worst Bond for his one portrayal in "In Her Majesty's Secret Service."

Edgar Fleming, great grandson of creator Ian Fleming, said that "Craig is just a muscle headed action hero who is playing Bond as a muscle headed action hero. This isn't grandpa's creation. The only demographic that likes him are the kids and the brain dead (which are often one and the same)."

Adults tended to answer the questions, "Who was the best Bond? and "Who is the worst Bond" with simple answers like "Connery was best and that new idiot Craig is the worst." Youngsters polled, however, responded with some of the following:

* "The worst was that old dude and the best is that guy they got now, you know, Daniel Radcliffe."
* "They had James Bond movies before Daniel Craig? Woah."
* "James Bond is, like, so hot he should make out with Paris Hilton or something."
* "I don't care who it is as long as lots of s**t blows up and lots of people get shot and I get to see some titties."
* "They should make a movie where James Bond has to fight aliens or put him in a horror movie like Saw VI or something."



Once again, the youth of the world have spoken.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

[Kristatos]

They forgot that IMDb favourite "They should have Bond fighting al-Qaeda. That would totally ROCK!"

[katied]

The last one didn't work out too badly so lets try another lighthearted satire post
The Spoof . Com

Written by Jalapenoman
29 October 2008
Daniel Craig Voted Worst James Bond of All Times

Daniel Craig, the new James Bond actor who is loved and worshiped by all movie fans under the age of 16, was recently voted the worst James Bond by the vast majority of people in the English speaking world over the age of 25 (to include those under the age of 25 with IQs over 86).

Sean Connery, the actor who portrayed Bond in the first feature length film, Dr. No, was the overwhelming favorite in the role.

Others who have played the character include Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, George Lazenby, and Timothy Dalton.

Before Craig assumed the part, Lazenby had been universally hated as the worst Bond for his one portrayal in "In Her Majesty's Secret Service."

Edgar Fleming, great grandson of creator Ian Fleming, said that "Craig is just a muscle headed action hero who is playing Bond as a muscle headed action hero. This isn't grandpa's creation. The only demographic that likes him are the kids and the brain dead (which are often one and the same)."

Adults tended to answer the questions, "Who was the best Bond? and "Who is the worst Bond" with simple answers like "Connery was best and that new idiot Craig is the worst." Youngsters polled, however, responded with some of the following:

* "The worst was that old dude and the best is that guy they got now, you know, Daniel Radcliffe."
* "They had James Bond movies before Daniel Craig? Woah."
* "James Bond is, like, so hot he should make out with Paris Hilton or something."
* "I don't care who it is as long as lots of s**t blows up and lots of people get shot and I get to see some titties."
* "They should make a movie where James Bond has to fight aliens or put him in a horror movie like Saw VI or something."



Once again, the youth of the world have spoken.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

This may get posted elsewhere...and they may not see it that way

[Dr. No]

That was pretty good. Who are these people they seem to like to have soem fun at Craig's expense

[Dr. No]

New James Bond

Written by KevinG
Following on from the last English spy, Johny English, the latest James Bond fails to meet the high comic standard we have come to expect.

Famous stand up comic, Roger Moore, "eyebrow" to his friend, was hard to follow in the most famous role since tintin. Synonymous with commedic greats such as George lazerie, James Bond has always led the way in comedy-fests at the Edinburgh festival.

Until now, the genre has shifted with the employment of a proper actor. Not since the scotch milkman has the English Spy been portrayed in such magnificence.

Now perhaps the English pride can be restored behind our latest hero and leader, Bond James Bond.

In recent developments, David Beckham has been approached to be the next James Bond following Robbie Williams withdrawal due to artistic differences.

"The name's Bond, David Bond...oh, crap, I screwed the line up again!

[Dr. No]

New James Bond Film 'A Quantity Of Shoelaces' Set For December Release
Written by Monkey Woods
The new James Bond movie, A Quantity of Shoelaces, starring Daniel Craig and his real-life mother, Wendy, has divided 007 fans over its strange title and subject matter.

Wendy Craig, who took the lead role in the 1970s sitcoms And Mother Makes 3, and Butterflies, makes a welcome return in the latest 007 film at the age of 89 years old, and steals the limelight from her dashing son, making his second appearance as Bond.

The film itself is, in the recent tradition of James Bond films, a load of old tripe with gadgets. An evil shoemaker, bent on world domination, proposes to rid civilisation of tie-up footwear, and enlists the help of an ex-KGB agent, busty Sonja Litvinenko to assist him in this.

Litvinenko, played by real-life Russian model Nikola Nickerless, pretends to befriend Bond in a Hamburg gay bar, and the two set off for Siberia where megalomaniac Dmitri Klogg, played by Elton John, has established a huge manufacturing base from where he is churning out millions of slip-on shoes per day.

Bond takes with him a quantity of shoelaces (see title) in an attempt to thwart this stupid plan, and the rest, as we have come to know, is all Martinis, tuxedos, casinos and innuendos, with some passionate face-sucking thrown in for good measure.

Daniel Craig is again mediocre as Bond, but watch out for mum, Wendy, in a flashback scene where she shows him how to tie shoelaces.

Opening in December, the film also stars Sue Pollard, former-EastEnder Wendy Richard, Bruce Forsyth (nice to see you, to see you nice!), Dudley Moore and rock star Jon Bon Jovi in a brilliant cameo role as a bus driver.

[Dr. No]

Waller To Be New Bond
Written by robotsausage
It was controversially announced today that fat former pop star and prize pig herder Rick Waller will become the new James Bond.

Daniel Craig sensationally walked out on his contract after rows over the canteen women who didn't have any "Ronnie Barker's instant mash" but they only had the Tesco brand. Craig threw his plate at them, punched the director in the face, shat in the producers soup and farted on Robbie Coltrane.

There are a lot of critics concerning the choice of person to play Bond, as he has no acting experience. They also state he is way too fat and looks nothing like peoples perception of what Bond should look like. Apparently, he also smells of pig dripping.

There are some, however, who support the choice. Graham Parpbucket, 61 of the fat talentless gits union said: "We think that there should be controversy like this and to give fat talentless people a platform to improve there life and make them find the talent they never knew they had"

Elvis Hitler 45 of the James Bond appreciation society also said: "It would be a welcomed break from seeing you're stereotypical James Bond being a good looking slim bloke with dark hair".

Waller will sign a six movie deal worth £1 billion and will be the highest paid Bond star ever. He will join up with the rest of the crew and cast members next week when they begin filming "Another day dead" in Japan.

It is described as the best most action packed Bond film yet. In one scene bond escapes from a triad gang in Jersey by somersaulting over sleeping cows and landing on a triumph motorbike with sidecar. There is another scene where Bond has to dodge exploding turnips in a Japanese supermarket.